As I begin the long climb back toward a healthy lifestyle, I’m already doing better but am recognizing that my life is comprised of a lot of broken pieces that need mending.

This afternoon, I was given a few slices of pizza and although I ate my healthy lunch, I gave in and ate a slice of pizza three hours later. In doing so, I recognized in myself that giving in to that desire gave me the equivalent of an emotional high.

My love of fruit and vegetables has decreased and I don’t enjoy subtle flavors, like steamed edamame, which I once loved.

I have a lower energy level and get tired earlier in the evening.

Being with people is taxing most of the time, instead of enjoyable.

On one level, I feel as though I’m at rock bottom for my health (admitting that for many people with addictions that is a much deeper, darker place). I think I may be at my heaviest weight as of today, and my fitness level is quite weak.

I have no choice but to climb out and so, I’m determined to do so, but I’m scared that I might not be able to build the necessary momentum.

I’m telling myself that it’s good to realize the dire nature of my circumstances, that its the equivalent to being “scared straight” back into a healthy lifestyle.

I’m also tempted to just throw myself into rebuilding that life so that I can hopefully lose those first couple pounds quickly and get to a victory.

I am going to get back into a good place and rebuild what I once had in my life.