I have been saying for a while now that I want to quit drinking alcohol. I am just so scared.
I went to a party yesterday. Before the party, one of my friends came to my apartment. We each had a big glass of wine. Then we opened another bottle of wine and finished it. Then we left to go to the party. The hostess said my friend who was drinking with me was drunk. I was not. I had some sangria at the party, and on the way back to my apartment, we bought a big bottle of vodka. We drank half the bottle. I blacked out, and don’t remember going to bed. I woke up very hungover today, and it made me decide to stop. But I am worried that as soon as I feel better, my resolve to not drink will disappear.
Two months ago, drunk, I lost my phone in a cab. I got into an argument with the cab driver. He called the police. It was so embarrassing. I never got the phone back.
A week later, I lost my brand new phone in another cab. Thankfully I did get that one back. But I blacked out. The last thing I remember was being out at the bar, and then the next thing I can recall was being awake and walking around in my apartment around 6am, and hearing a scratching sound at my door. When I opened the door, my cat was out there, scratching to be let in. He is definitely an indoor cat only, and he wasn’t wearing his collar because it broke a few days before. He loves to run out of my apartment and walk around the floor. I always go after him and bring him back. I have no recollection of how he got out, and if anything ever happened to him because of my drinking, I would never forgive myself. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing that I endangered him.
I just finished reading Drinking: A Love Story. I can identify with so much of that book.
This entry is all over the place, making no real narrative sense, just me wanting to get all this stuff off my chest.