Grandma has one caregiver that has been working with her for almost two years now. Grandma’s attitudes toward this caregiver have been changing for a while now. The caregiver isn’t the most positive person in the world, and she has been short with Grandma at times. Grandma was complaining to me that she’s become “familiar” with her. I pointed out that is partially Grandma’s fault for treating her employees like friends instead of employees. It was most telling though in today’s conversation when Grandma shared that she blames this caregiver for her falling back in October. I don’t believe that this is true, but I know how powerful the human mind is and because Grandma has verbalized this fear, it will continue to grow and fester in her. Grandma also made the comment that she hoped mom’s doctor cleared her today so that she can have a couple days break from this caregiver.

Fortunately my mother’s eye doctor did remove some of her restrictions. He indicated that the blood clot is all gone now, and that he will let her resume reading and brisk walks, though she’s still on restriction from heavy lifting and running. He’s also cleared her to fly, so she and dad will be able to go to Bonaire next week. So Grandma will get her two days away from the caregiver, but then she’ll have to put up with her for the two weeks following since my parents will be gone.

I tried to discuss alternative solutions with mom. There are agencies that we can use where you schedule the caregiver’s time. Currently Grandma hired the caregivers directly and has them there for 4-6 hours at a time, when she really only needs them for 15-30 minutes two or three times during that shift. Mom commented that the agencies take most of the money and the caregivers don’t get the whole amount. I pointed out that you schedule the times Grandma needs assistance and only pay for that time. You don’t pay the caregivers to sit around and read books or sleep or bother Grandma. I said that she or I would need to do the research and then present it to Grandma. Mom said she didn’t want to pursue it, and I went off on her. Her mother is afraid of one of her caregivers, and Mom doesn’t want to discuss alternative solutions. That’s unacceptable to me.