The most attention I get is from females. Possibly because I dont have any female family members in my life. Mother passed when I was 12, Grandmother passed when I was 23, only lived with my sister until I was 11.

When girls come into my life every single one of them wants to go from 0 to 60 in a blink of an eye and be my girlfriend and always do sexual things with me. The problem is that I let them because I dont want to be alone.

Then they get mad, lash out and start to hurt me. I wish it were easier to just let them go mentally and emotionally but its so hard to say good bye when they are all I have sometimes.

Im so sick and tired of not having family, not being in a familiar area due to moving so much. I want to be done with the “new” for now and return to whats familiar in a positive and constructive manner (ie the Church, the bookstore, paying bills on time, actually having a job, not being wrapped up in past mistakes with the court). I do want to move one last time and it is out of Indiana. Indiana has ruined my life. Being here has caused the worst decisions, the worst feelings, the most destructive friendships and connections.

There is only one thing I stayed for, the traveling with Donah. It was the best time of my life and outweighs every other memory by 60 tons. But, she too, pushed me to the brink of madness a second time. She started walking home again the other night and we hadnt hung out in months and months, I let her back in my life and she walked off with what little trust I had left and was trying to build for the people here.

I have no faith in this place, no trust here, no love, no respect, no reason to stay, nothing. I hate Indiana as if it were a person I would fuck up for what its done to me. I would uppercut it like its a punk ass and a thief and a liar. And I would feel good about that.

Game set match. I am out of here as soon as God allows me to wrap up court and I am packing up and I am gone. I wont miss a single thing about Indiana. All my best memories were made traveling OUTSIDE of this state.