evoxus

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lately

i been feeling down. the only thing im enjoying is going to the gym as it makes me feel good. i like the addrenalin and endorphins rushing through me, putting me on a high. i like the feeling of my body changing and improving.

but otherwise everything in my life is sucking a bit. i probably come across as a positiveish person on here, (i think) but thats cos i try hard with it, and try and keep myself motivated but i used to suffer from depression in the past, and i can see its rearing its head lately.

reality is my life is a mess. and im jsut trying to survive it. i want to change things. but sometimes dont know how. this was not the life i had envisioned for myself when i was younger. i will not give up on myself, but its really hard, when ur never good enough. not good enough, clever enough, beatiful enough, etc. i think the turning point lately thats sort of made me feel crap is the failure of a recent relationship, it was only 5 months, and it wasnt even a committed relationship. but it failed spectacularily. i did however see the signs, and i had wanted to walk away from the relationship cos i wasnt feeling much love. it was unlike any relationship i had ever been in. i was “dating” a commitment phobic, romantically challenged person. jsut my luck. but he hid it well in the beginning. or maybe we both had our rose tinted glasses on in the so called honey moon phase, before the reality set in. and yeah i didnt like the reality much. end of the day, we ended up being incompatible. chalk and cheese. a lion (him) and a crab (me) – starsigns. remind me never to date a leo again! ha ha ha! i am proud of myself for ending it and walking away, because he was a coward and wouldnt do it and decided that treating me like shit and like i wasnt good enough was a better way to do it.

anyway, that kind of wrecked myself esteem a bit, and now im thinking bout the rest of my life. 31 years old, and this life is not the life i had hoped for. nothing really worked out really. im jsut wandering aimlessly along. but i know if i want to have a better life i have to change this life i am leading. i know this.

wish it was easy to do. guess i need to stop thinking and talking and start doing. and block these negative crittical low self esteem thougghts.

i know all of this. i do.

Feb 25, 2012, 07:03PM PST | 4 cheers


Comments:

Collectorofcats can hardly wait for the asparagus to pop up so it will be truly Spring

Forget the star signs

In the Chinese horoscope, my hubby is a snake and I am a pig and supposedly, we are mortal enemies (haha). In western horoscopes, I am a scorpio and he is pieces and even though we are supposedly compatible, it has taken a lot of hard work and several years to get where we are today. What I’m really saying is that a relationship takes a lot of work and birth order, birthday and year mean nothing if neither person involved have nothing in common, totally different personalities and goals in life and compromises cant be made by both.
Good Luck in your future relationships. I hope you find what you are looking for and it brings you happiness.

Feb 26, 2012, 07:22AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

evoxus

i know,

i know, i dont take them too seriously however my best relationships have been wiht the ones that i was supposedly compatible with and my absolute worste ones were the ones who i was incompatible with.

and their traits are usually spot on, and so are mine according to my sign. i dont care too much for the compatibility bit, its more the traits and charachteristics of a sign that interest me. like i am cancerian, and i have all the cancerian traits. anyway this guy had all the leo traits, and our 2 signs dont mix well at all.

starsigns amuse and enthrawl me, i wouldnt rule someone out becasue of their sign, but i do like to be aware of it. i like to delve into their personality that way, and see if its true. 9/10 times it is.

Feb 26, 2012, 04:32PM PST | Respond to this

john_swale is failing

Hugs

Yea don’t read too much into horoscopes and stuff, it’s fun but nothing to base your life on.
You’ll get your head back in the game. I know you will :D

Feb 26, 2012, 03:03PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

evoxus

lol

i like the starsign stuff. see my answer to collector of cats, junk etc.. above.

thanks, we shall see bout that. hows ur love life :P

Feb 26, 2012, 04:36PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

john_swale is failing

Well as a Gemini I’m the best of everything as you know.
My love life – is non existant. Apparently women aren’t into awesome guys, with ripped abs, a chiseled jaw, great sense of humour, deep green eyes, beautiful speaking voice. Alongside many many other great points too numerous to mention, ;) lol
And clearly also a great imagination :P

But no non existant. And an email from my ex about a visit :S

Feb 27, 2012, 07:19AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

evoxus

oh i didnt

know that. i dont study starsigns or anything, i jsut like to have a rough idea of people i know in real life and their signs. ive never known any geminis tho. so cant comment on it. but now that i know ur sign i will look u up ;) he he he delve into the psyche of john_swale… ;)

u could try internet dating… it works for some people… ive done my share of it… in all honesty im not a fan anymore. are u interested in anyone at the moment in the real world?

Feb 27, 2012, 08:18AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

john_swale is failing

Castor and Pollox

Have fun looking it up :P
To be honest there is zero chance of me doing that. Fair play to anyone who does and I’m sure there are a lot of very very nice people doing it but I just don’t think it’s for me. lol I already type more than I talk.
Not really I’m a bit too realistic (which stands me in good stead especially with hot women) unlike most guys who’d get tongue tied with a cute girl if I don’t think she’s actually interested in me I just act normal. So right now I can’t see anyone being interested so I’m not really looking. There’s cute attractive women I see but none I’ve really thought about.

Feb 27, 2012, 12:29PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

true. - evoxus
Untitled - john_swale

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

If it makes you feel any better,

most people end up feeling like their life just isn’t what they thought it would be.

We can all influence our direction a bit, it makes a difference whether or not we take care of ourselves, and what people we choose to be around, and so on. We just can’t make everything work for us all the time.

There are also sooo many things that we just can’t control.

It sounds like you do know yourself pretty well, and you seem to have a good grip on what personality traits don’t work well with you.

Maybe you should just get in touch with your little voice, and pay attention to it when it says that in spite of attraction, a person is not good for you.

You don’t have to date someone just because you are single. Don’t be afraid to take your time getting to know someone before you make a commitment, and don’t put your heart into a relationship until you get a feel for who the other person really is.

Put yourself first.

Mar 05, 2012, 11:12PM PST | Respond to this


evoxus has gotten 4 cheers on this entry.

 

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