Consensus about beauty ideals can really get to me. What I mean by that is finding out what “most people prefer” & then seeing that I don’t fit that. Of course, I always zero in on what I don’t fit, not what I do fit.

When I can’t sleep, I’ll go on silly googling tangents where I’ll “ask” google, “Are thin lips ugly?”. Of course the “answers” are always harsh. Yes, most people dislike thin lips; they even associated it with negative personality traits like being mean, stingy or prudish… This doesn’t exactly make me feel good. I don’t know why I’m such a masochist in this way.

What’s funny is, I don’t really buy into this consensus for my own taste. I’ll often like non “classic” features. I also don’t tend to compartmentalize people & view beauty in terms of parts so much. If someone is physically beautiful to me, then it’s their whole look, whether or not each part is ideal. But I don’t apply that outlook easily to myself.

For the record, I mostly do feel good about my appearance in recent years, but like anyone, I have moments of insecurity still. It’s the same old stuff that bugs me – thin lips / small mouth, skinniness, small boobs, bad skin, funny teeth (despite having worn braces…), etc.