i don’t know sometimes.

i think we are each taking turns to have cold feet.

i wish he knew how much i love him, i wish he knew how much i hated the way he tells me to go look for other people, i wish he knew how much i hated him for telling me which friends i can or cannot see, i wish he knew how much i hated him for putting me down everytime i feel good about myself.

almost sounds like my ex boyfriends.

worse, my father.

i feel like running away sometimes. but it wouldn’t solve anything. i can quite simply leave him.

even when i feel sometimes he wants to be with me and sometimes he is too chicken shit to leave me. i will cling onto him, go through the marriage and make his life shit.

i think that will be fun.

then the loving bit softens everything up and nauseates the vindictive part of me.

love ruins everything.