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froufroufrou is thinking about what 2012 should bring

finish my thesis
I keep disappointing myself...

So I’ve written a page last week. I felt pretty good about it, but anxiety and stress are back again. I felt good enough last week to promiss my supervisor a chapter on Wedsnesdaymorning. But of course, I’ve been putting it off and off, now not even near finishing the chapter.

Sometimes I wish I could just be a different person. Change my charactertraits for some other, become a more determined and focused person. I want to finish my thesis so badly before June, I HAVE TO. But, I just can’t find the motivation, the courage, the inspiration, or whatever, to do it.

I know the only way to do this is, is by taking it a step at the time, to sit down every day and just do some work, if even just a little. It’s better than rewatching Gilmore Girls all day, me thinks.

And now I’m in this situation where I have to think wether I’ll cancel my workday tomorrow with some lame excuse, and feel quilty about it, so I have another day for my chapter. I just started this job, so I don’t want to disappoint, but finishing my thesis is much much much more important than that job. I just wished I felt the importance of it all on the moments I have time as well. Now I’m just making myself feel rotten and disappointed with myself, and I’ll probably can’t sleep of all the anxiety tonight.

Why can’t I be a better person? :(



Comments:

I know, what you are feeling. I haven’t done anything today. It’s almost midnight and I am thinking should I open my file at least or read couple of pages.

Even reading of 2 pages seems like big task to me. I thought maybe I should but a stopper next to me for example 15 minutes I do only school things. If it is over, then I can stop, but maybe then I already have a mood and I am able to continue. Start is the most hardest thing to me.

I keep my fingers crossed for you! You are not alone!

froufroufrou is thinking about what 2012 should bring

I try to set these time goals for myself, too, but most of the time I can’t even bring myself to open the file :s

But thanks, good to know O’m not alone. Good luck for you, too! :)

(This comment was deleted.)

Biorhythmns

Make sure you are trying to work during peak times. Whatever time of day is best for you to be productive in, make sure that’s thesis-work time. For me, it’s 8 or 9 til 1 PM. If I try to to get stuff done between 1 and 4, it’s a waste of time, because it takes me hours to get done what I can do in ten minutes during peak time. I tried to get my day’s work done in that time, but if I needed to I could work another 2 hours or so, around 5-7.

Also be sure to pace yourself. Use a kitchen timer if need be. You need to work for concentrated periods, followed by SMALL breaks (like to check your email).

Try making yourself a time-based checklist. It’s tough with a thesis to be able to cross things off your list, because the goals are so large. So make a to-do list like “Work on Chapter 2 for 3 hours.” Then put a whole lot of checkboxes next to it, and every time you finish 10 minutes or 15 minutes or whatever you pick, you check one off and you can see you are making progress toward your goal.

christinerega is right about the guilt. If you sign up for grad school, you have basically given away 100% of your time, so every time you need a shower or a YouTube break you feel guilty. That’s one reason I like to have set hours. I would get up, work for 4 or 5 hours, then the day was mine to do what I liked with (or at least to do the laundry and stuff without feeling conflicted). For me the hardest part was that no one was making me do anything. My thesis advisor was not the kind to set deadlines and assignments (some do). I just had to make them myself. I would set meetings to force myself to finish something because I had no other deadlines.


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