Inglorious nonconformist fallen, but will stand up very soon.
took FEDAC around 11.40pm, and went to bed at 12.30am, despite of in the feeling my day just started, and i was actually in the midst of busy, organizing, lots of plan, lots of to-do…
- 0.30am ,my head was heavy so it was great to go to bed.
- 1.30am woke up to toilet after one hour,then couldnt get back sleep when the thoughts, ideas, conversations-to-be, self-hatred condemn…popped out in the short instant.kept changing sleeping postures. i knew, i was forcing myself to sleep, even the med effect still there, but not stronger than the power of intrusion of mental demons. wasn’t felt peace inside the heart, after tortured by the insecurity of dilemma at this stage of life. yeah, i think i’m nervous!
- 2am woke up, picked up Holy Bible to find some peace. Read Gospel of John chapter 1 for the very first time.
- i sleep so sound during the day, automatically. sometimes, i used to suspect whether i have been colonized by dark energy. I hate day time hustle-bustle and the noise.
- but i staying up whole night reading spiritual things with very sharp, it seems unlikely to be possessed.The more quiet the night, the accute my mind, the deeper i could go diving inside me,and the depth of what i’m studying/contemplating.
- although i dont have to work 9-5. i feel guilty to lead a life like this for long-term, since 2003… i just wanna back to `normal’ or regular. at least, i want to be flexible and get back to the society.
- i dunno. i’m worry when i sleep so sound during the day and midday, but either unsettle or fear to sleep in darkness at night.
- 3.30am started writing and it’s 3.55am now. i gotta go to bed to try to get bck to sleep again.