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Neuf People...

Find Peace With Regards to My Narcissistic Mother (read all 15 entries…)
Neuf wrote List of Wrongs (work in progress) 4

- She told me I would amount to nothing. A receptionist in a manufacturing plant (which was my summer job).

- She told me I was neither stupid nor very bright thus should do her job. (because I clearly took after her)

- Whatever faults I had, I was ‘born that way’ (looove biological determinism).

- Whenever I told her, I was going to be okay (with regards to finding work), she would just smile and say ‘no, there is no room for you’ – though I think she might have been referring to the unemployement rate during the 90’s recession)



Comments:

Sounds like

you still live at home.

Trust me, it gets better when you move out. I mean, her behavior won’t change. It will really never change. But at least you can be the one to determine how much contact you have with her. YOU are going to have to be the adult, because narcissism is like perpetual childhood. You have to recognize that she is always going to see the world as revolving around her and have tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants. So, you have to speak to her as though YOU are the adult. Not condescending, because she isn’t stupid. That will only set her off even worse. But firm and clear, and use a very neutral, unemotional tone of voice. And don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t want to continue this conversation.” Hang up if she carries on.

Of course, you can’t do that living at home. But when you move out, you’re the one in control. In the meantime, you can still control your reactions. Because that’s what she feeds off of.

Neuf People...

Interesting...

Thanks for your feedback!

Actually, I moved out several years ago but… I’m only dealing with all that’s happened at home just now…

Interesting that I make it sound like she’s nagging me daily and I’m still home…

All this happened several years ago, she’s still like that today but much lesser.

Yes, I completely agree with your strategy and need to develop the skills of adulthood and keep a cool head.

I need to be the adult if she can’t.

I guess this goal is largely about mourning the mother I never had, growing up and handling in the mature fashion as you describe.

Thanks again for your input!

Just a few things you might find helpful...

Emotional Vampires

Sanctuary for the Abused

Narcissism 101

What Makes Narcissists Tick

Neuf People...

Thanks!

Looking at them now… Much appreciated as I research this topic a lot and any sources are quite useful!

Thank you very much again!


 

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