In a week, it will have been 4 years and my life is so very different. This is a reminder to not let all of what’s going on overwhelm and displace ME.

I have an excellent memory. I remember lots of little details. I remember names and faces extraordinarily well. I can close my eyes and almost bring any event in my memory back to life. Almost.

I remember both the good and the bad equally. But emotion and event aren’t remembered the same. The memories of emotions change as our lives change, as results from those remembered events emerge. When bad things result from a happy event, those negative emotions may override the happier ones even though the memory of the event persist unchanged.

I struggled for a very long time to find happiness in myself. Then four years ago, I finally found myself; pulled myself out of the anger and pain that had defined my life. It caused a lot of changes in my life and my greatest fear was that I would slip back and into forgetfulness. So I found a protective amulet and imbued it with the memory of those good emotions I had found.

This is my protective amulet. I wear it on a black leather choker. On it is the Chinese symbol for love. That symbol sits on a jade green background. That it is the symbol for love on a jade background is significant, it represents me. I wear it to remember my pain and my healing. I wear it to remember my sacrifices and gains. I wear it to protect me from falling back into the pain and anger. It is my touchstone. Because emotions cloud memory and I want to remember my joys and sadnesses clearly.