I have been doing this now for a while, starting around a year and a half ago, specifically where one person was concerned. He was a “friend” of mine for a couple of years but I felt that he was a negative influence on me and my life. We used to go out drinking a lot, 3-4 times a week and I felt that I could not continue on this path and be happy and achieve what I was capable of. The last time we went out he got aggressive towards me. That was the last straw. Since then we have had little contact, living in a small town I bump into him or his family now and then. Its always awkward, he seems quite bitter that I’ve moved on, he always wants to meet up again for a drink. I always say I’ll call him but never mean it. I don’t want to go back there. The other night I was out with my family and he was out with his, it felt very uncomfortable for me, I avoided him, I didn’t want another awkward conversation. He sent me an abusive text that night saying to never talk to him or his family again. I feel so bad now, maybe I didn’t handle the situation very well, or maybe I am just a bad person. I would really appreciate some advice.
jvtdc Getting off of my butt and getting something done!
You are ok...
Dealing with negative people is usually uncomfortable. Maybe you could have handled it differently, maybe not. What’s done is done and you did what you needed to do for yourself and your family. If you are worried about the friendship, then invite hime for a coffee at breakfast or something like that. If you are not worried about the friendship, then its ok to move on and not feel bad about it. If you are wanting to change your life and he is not, then you sometimes need to cut ties with certain people for a while. Maybe in time, things will change. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it… Take care.
this is just a test cheering back. Eventually.
5 Tips for Setting Boundaries with Others
1.When you identify that you need to set a limit with someone, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Avoid justifying, rationalizing, or apologizing. Offer a brief explanation, if it makes sense to do that. We cannot maintain intimate relationships until we can tell others what hurts us and what feels good.
2.You cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings. The two acts are mutually exclusive.
3.You will probably feel ashamed and afraid when you set boundaries. Do it anyway. People may not know that they are trespassing. Also, people don’t respect others whom they can use. People use those they can use, and respect people they cannot use. Healthy limits benefit everyone. Children and adults will feel more comfortable around you if you have strong boundaries.
4.Anger, rage, complaining, and whining are clues to boundaries we need to set. The things we say we can’t stand, don’t like, feel angry about, and hate may be areas crying out for boundaries. When we feel those strong feelings, they are indicators of problems, like a flashing red light on the car dashboard. As well, shame and fear may be the barrier we need to break through to take care of ourselves. Other clues that we may need to set a boundary are feeling threatened, “suffocated,” or victimized by someone. We may need to get angry to set a boundary, but we don’t need to stay resentful to enforce it.
5.We’ll be tested when we set boundaries. Plan on it. It doesn’t do any good to set a boundary until we’re ready to enforce it. Often, the key to boundaries isn’t convincing other people we have limits – it’s convincing ourselves! Once we really know what our limits are, it won’t be difficult to convince others. In fact, people often sense when we’ve reached our limit. We’ll stop attracting so many boundary invaders. Things will change when we decide to change.
from this website.
Hang in there Mr_Accountant.
Forester321 Generosity overpowers greed. - Bryce Courtenay
...for great advice