красивейшая Богиня ♥ L’émeu - I think my ping's long expired ♥

post random questions daily and see if anyone plays with me and answers them :) (read all 313 entries…)
Bad Joke anyone?

Anyone got a bad joke they wish to share?



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zdechlinka no more excuses!

What do you call...

....a man with no arms or legs that lies on the floor?

Matt.

Spyrunner I'm back

and if the same

man is in water?

Bob

Donna razzle dazzle

And if I owe him money...

...Bill

Or if he is hung on a wall...

...Art

Spyrunner I'm back

What do you

call a woman with one leg longer that the other.

Eileen

Donna razzle dazzle

And if he wants to date our Empress Emu...

...Chris

er, Darren

Or, was it Chris?

purple_lady “Difficulties break some men but make others.” -Nelson Mandela

lmao

good one Donna

Cloudberry is a tomato plant with her roots nestled in rich compost.

and if he's hanging on the wall?

Art.

☠ dustball jin ☠ a star that travels into holes to get a sense of how it ends

What sound does a 900 pound baby bird make ?

(answer with deep manly voice) cheep cheep !

I told it to an audience of 200+ members years ago to impress a girl with my ballsiness (she said I’d be her hero if I walked up to the mic and bombed with my baby bird joke before the whole lecture hall -she’s quite sadistic). It actually killed so she was doubly impressed and hugged me :). A short-lived success though since about a week after I believe, the hemorroid story happened, forever chipping her image of a pure jin.

milk stool

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

What’d the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam!

What does a clock do when it’s still hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

heeheehee

Up until now, the fish one was my all-time favourite joke. Now it’s the milking stool! :D

We must

have a very similar sense of humor :)

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TajLV settling in to retirement, life is good

What do grapes say

when you step on them?

Nothing. They just let out a little whine.

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gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

My personal favorite...

What sounds like a bell, but smells like crap?

DUNNNGGGG!

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow (MOOO) who?

Now, here is an odd joke. I DREAMED this joke, and I woke up laughing so hard I was crying, just because it was so absurd…

What’s brown, floats around in your toilet, and eats cheese?

A turd. I lied about the cheese.

☠ dustball jin ☠ a star that travels into holes to get a sense of how it ends

You are

expecially hilarious when you dream, gottawonder LOL, this joke is genius, good thing you remembered it when you woke up. Although it’s sooo random that you dreamed that out !!!

zdechlinka no more excuses!

My sense of humour

LOL

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

That’s usually me. I’ve made some evil, evil jokes about many sacred things. It’s still funny.

Bob1623 Be the Fountain, not the Drain.

What is the best time

to go to the dentist?

2:30 (Tooth hurty)

I told that to my dentist and he didn’t get it.

☠ dustball jin ☠ a star that travels into holes to get a sense of how it ends

LOL

Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. Dentists have no soul ;). Although I knew one dentist who laughed hysterically as I was on the chair, which was especially creepy because a minute earlier he had gone ape$#!+ at my mom for being late. Creepiest guy ever. I met a girl who had photos of him in her house because he happened to be her father, I got sooo spooked out.

BeautifulDay I wasn't older yet, I wasn't wise I guess

I think my dentist makes up for his soullessness by making the same corny joke multiple times (and since I only see him once or twice a year, he’s been making the same jokes for years).

Bob1623 Be the Fountain, not the Drain.

I better be careful

I have been using the same jokes for years too.

The only thing is, I think they are hilarious!!!

None of my kids will pull my finger.

Bob1623 Be the Fountain, not the Drain.

My dentist

is actually a pretty good guy. It really surprised me he did not know the joke. And that I was the first one to use it on him.

Jeepers, am I his only patient with a sense of humor?

Legerd the crooked tree is getting closer to the big day!

What's the difference...

Between beer nuts, and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are under two dollars while deer nuts are under a buck.

BeautifulDay I wasn't older yet, I wasn't wise I guess

Some think the glass is half full, some think the glass is half empty, but engineers know: the glass is two times larger than it needs to be.

Collectorofcats If you try being original, you can bet on being copied.

How about....

Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds.

Artemis is following her dreams.

A-hem.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, who would not sell her a pair of alligator shoes, the young blonde declared, ‘Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!’ The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ‘Well, little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?’ The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home and was passing over a swamp, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back. Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration…...............................

DAMN! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!

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TG

A Peep

who needs its’ diaper changed!

Actually, this one had just been pulled off a cake with chocolate frosting ;)

Heehee!

Actually, I now think the pink ones taste better than the yellow ones.

(Isn’t this the same pink peep that featured here…?)

TG

I wouldn't be surprised ;)

But I actually discovered him (her?) here, on a cake that my ex made for Easter dessert.

A Staggering Rat of Heartbreaking Something or Other "I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner..."

I want that thing.

(I am on the hunt for pink or purple. They should be at least half-price by now.)

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ L’émeu - I think my ping's long expired ♥

I so loved this joke!
It’s very innocent and funny. You don’t usually get snowman jokes.
Very funny. I sent it to 3 friends via text today.
Thanks

Cloudberry is a tomato plant with her roots nestled in rich compost.

two sodium atoms

were walking down the street.

First one says, “OMG I just lost an electron!”

Second one says, “Are you sure?”

First one: “Yeah, I’m positive!”

(Rim shot.)

красивейшая Богиня ♥ L’émeu - I think my ping's long expired ♥

This made me laugh
(So it can’t be that bad a joke!)


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