I used to juggle a lot at once. I had two jobs, plus an internship, plus full time school, plus being a housewife (i.e. chores). I know that I can juggle a lot, but for whatever reason I’ve seemed to lost my steam. Maybe I just needed a break. But I need to get a second job to keep up with bills, join a gym, apply to grad school, look for an apartment, and on and on. It seems like my list is never ending, and that thought is exhausting. Even though at this point I’m only working one part time job I wish I could do more. I have bipolar type two, I was diagnosed last year, and I’m afraid to push myself like I used to because I’m afraid it will trigger another depressive episode and I might wind up back in the hospital. It’s a battle, because there’s a part of me that says “buck up, just get over it, you can do it” while the other side of me says “do you really want to pay for another medical bill because you tried to kill yourself.” I know most normal people don’t have these kinds of daily thoughts but it’s something I have to consider…when is it too much? and when is it not enough? Lately I’ve been having a hard time controlling my anxiety. I’ve recently divorced, moved out of state, moved in with a new boyfriend (who’s now my ex), and we’ve been in and out of homelessness. That on top of the car breaking down twice, no way to get to work (no money for cab/bus), boss pissed and job on the line….these things are a daily issue. Things pop up, if you lived the life I live you would be throwing up your hands saying “this is rediculous” because I just can’t seem to get ahead. I need a second job but I share the car with my friend who uses it to drive from assignment to assignment. Luckily we found a cheap place to live….but oh my god how I could go on and on….but it think that’s enough.
Now where was I, oh yes, managing my time. In a nut shell there are some days where I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. I am hoping to have more days where things run smoothly. Life tends to shake you up just as you’re about to relax and kick up your feet.
I think firsts things first I need to think of my priorities. I would say the top 3 priorities I have to deal with now are:
*Financial- not only keep up with bills but pay extra, have savings
*Education- apply for grad school, work on manuscript
*Health- mental health (taking meds, therapy) and physical health (gym, hikes, etc)
I guess that’s a good start right? I know what I want in life but my anxiety tends to make me panicy and brainless as to how to go about my day. Anyone else have mental health issues like biopolar or depression that throw off their “plans”?