It’s really weird. Since I turned 22, I’ve noticed a lot of my fellow Facebook friends are pregnant, or attempting to be. Some of them even on accident because of dumb mistakes they admit to. I spend a lot of time in the toy aisles at the store, mostly because I’m a fan of some of their items. I am always looking around, and I see families more often than not. I always wonder what it’d be like. Seems so far away, and that’s a good thing. I am not where I want to be in my life to have a child yet. I’m almost 23 years old, and I have never had a job. I volunteered non profit, but I have been in college since 2007. There has not been a day I have not been in the influence of education, and my parents have had big dreams for me since I was a teenager.

I have found the soulmate of my life, and I want a family…someday. Maybe when I’m 30. However, it seems so impossible. I am afraid of hospitals, afraid of the process of pregnancy, afraid of the pain… It seems so scary to me. I don’t want to go through it, and I’d rather keep the experience I have now as a woman who has never had a child. Yet, I can’t help but wish for a child someday. Someone who can be mine, and special to me.

Maybe I’m just young. I’d like to think the reason labor and pregnancy is so scary is because I have not reached my potential in life yet. I have no career, and I am not comfortable in my life to do so. Maybe that’s why.

I wonder if it’ll ever change.