Sunday night i gave into temptation. I felt stressed out and like always once the thought enters my head thats pretty much it. It makes me have a totally different mindset just like that. No matter how much i try to prepare myself for it or what i try to tell myself about how i know i will regret it, the feeling, the urge to drink is just too over powering. It gets me all the time. Anyway, i drank Sunday night and almost all day Monday. It was difficult but i managed somehow to finally stop last night. Today i did what i usually do after a bindge. I try to make up for it by eating all fruits and vegetables and drinking lots of water and hot tea. I know i have a bad liver so i always regret my bindges. When i am not drinking ironically i’m somewhat of a health nut, but my after bindge drinking extreme health days are not going to work for me. Earlier today i got a horrible pain in my lower right side. I know its my liver, i just know it. I got a little dizzy and although the pain dulled it has pretty much lasted all day. This really has me thinking. I am starting to get scared and maybe thats a good thing. Trying to be healthy for short periods of time and destroying my insides the rest of the time is not going well for me. I have to really put more of an effort in this. My life depends on it. I just hope i can be strong enough and scared enough to finally let the alchohol go for good. This has to be it. If i fail again i’m afraid i really won’t have much hope for me. I have failed too many times. I have to believe i can do this.
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chani35 is winning the war against the cigarette
Sometimes we just can’t do it by ourselves. When the addiction is as strong as you describe, I really feel that you should seek help. I think about AA – I imagine that it’s not easy to take the step to go there, but it really is working. I feel that willpower alone will not get you out of addiction. I propose you watch this documentary series… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP0InrPZpjg
I agree with Chani
It really sounds like you might need to call in reinforcements. Have you considered going to a physician and telling them the truth about your condition and getting some medication. There is a whole raft of meds out there, and if that doesnt do it for you, L-Glutamine sometimes helps with the cravings. Some people have managed to quit just by taking L-Glut from a health food store, alone. If your side is hurting, its possibly your gall bladder, and if you already know your liver is in bad shape you need to quit before it kills you. its that simple. I sure hope you can get help fast.
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