Early rise this morning. 4:30. Fairly common for me to wake very early. It’s as if my body were programmed to be most productive in the wee hours. I usually lay in bed or sometimes get up and read. This morning I was eager and almost excited to get up to do the meditation. My first thought was that these sessions are very short. This is the first time I have participated in a guided meditation as well. I am not sure if I like it or not yet. Regardless, this 21-day challenge is helping me establish a habit. I must admit that it is all too easy for me to become analytical and critical of something instead of just being in it and taking what I get out of it. Maybe that is what this is about for me.
My intro to meditation was 8 years ago when I lived in Davis and decided to visit the Shambhala center there. I took a meditation class, a course on the Karmic cycle, and then began attending the weekly open meditations. We would sit for an hour and I remember how uncomfortable it was for my body at first. I also remember being told by my mentor that a mental way of not attaching to the thoughts that pass through my mind is to imagine them as clouds floating by. Notice them, but let them pass. I can’t say that my meditation practice transformed my life, however, I remember getting to a point where I would get so excited to have that time. It was the one time a day where I would give myself a break and just “BE” . Though I am grateful for the guidance the center provided, I stopped going after 6 months or so. I didn’t connect with the community of people at the center. I learned quickly that my strategy of remaining anonymous wasn’t going to hold up for long. I felt socially pestered some days. A big turn-off. I continued to meditated randomly at home, but over time my practice fizzled out. I think my ego got the best of me and I figured I could do it better on my own. What I realize now is that I need structure around my meditation practice. Maybe this will be in the form of guided meditation or finding another center. I can sit for hours and “THINK” about starting up a practice again (which I have done many times), but all that thinking is useless. For now, I am just going to continue with these 21 days one day at a time. Today I meditated and that is a good thing.