bermudamohawk "we are what we focus on" - the mins
Warning: the following entry details every bite I’ve eaten over the past four days. It’s excessive. I needed to do it for me.
I’ve been trying to “lose weight” for years. I don’t think losing weight sums it up, though. Yes, I want to weigh less. But I also want to be healthier. I’ve expressed that many times on 43T, I’m sure.
I’ve been away from home since Saturday afternoon. I’m not on vacation, but I’m certainly acting like it, food-wise. Super easy to do when you have a per diem stipend from work! Though I may not have maxed out my budget, I’m stretching out the waistbands of every pair of pants I’ve brought. I’ve managed to eat a LOT of food in a little bit of time. I can feel the difference physically. I’m making myself hurt emotionally. I’ve nearly brought myself to tears more than once in the past three days, yet I kept pigging out.
Saturday I stopped in Toledo to dine at one of my favorite fast food restaurants. I know for a fact that meal had at least 1200 calories in it alone. Saturday night, after I’d arrived in Cleveland, I tried the restaurant attached to the the hotel – I ate a very unhealthy veggie wrap with a side of fries and a hard cider. Went to bed full.
Sunday started off on a good note – I ate lots of fruit, a small cup of yogurt, and oatmeal with cinnamon and walnuts. Not super low-cal, but super healthy. Lunch was a bit worse – a Subway sandwich with cheese AND dressing (I never get both) and a bag of chips. Dinner was the worst – Mexican food. The food was AWFUL (seriously, the worst Mexican food I’ve ever had in my life) but I still ate most of it. And I drank a beer. I left feeling stuffed and sick. But what did I do after that? Bought some sugar-filled ginger ale AND a granola bar (for the health factor… riiiiight). (In my defense, I tried to find a Powerade Zero to drink but there were NO stores open anywhere near the hotel.)
Monday was worse. I still had fruit and yogurt for breakfast, but I also added a side of fried potatoes and a greasy egg white omelet. I went to a Chinese buffet for lunch and had 2 1/2 plates. I hated myself. But that didn’t stop me from having two cookies and a mini Twix bar as an afternoon snack. I had no appetite at dinnertime (surprise) so I went to a coffee shop and sipped on a ginger beer (sugary and calorie-laden). I should’ve gone to bed then, but nooooo… I ordered a pizza at 9pm, ate the whole thing, and THEN promptly went to bed. Disgusting. I felt miserable.
But today? Today was much better. Sadly, I’m still feeling the physical impact from this crazy binge. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. But today I took steps in the right direction. I feel better, emotionally, and I can tell my body likes me a lot more, too (no stomach aches or overly-full feelings). Breakfast was a skim latte and a small muffin (I tried to get fruit but today’s selection was poor… I was in a rush so the muffin held me over and helped prevent the caffeine jitters… and it was SMALL and satisfied me, but didn’t make me full). Lunch was a half sandwich and a cup of soup with a few small pieces of bread on the side. (Once again, satisfied, but not full. Healthier foods, too.) I had a BANANA for a snack! And dinner was from a healthy asian restaurant – rice noodles, bok choy, peapods, cabbage, carrots, grilled chicken, light sauce. I may have eaten a little too much, but it was far from overindulgent.
Days like today aren’t going to help me lose weight. But they’re certainly going to keep me from gaining any more, and they’ll make me feel better all around. Why can’t I ever remember that healthy days make me feel better than whole pizzas?
I’ve also been walking everywhere since arriving in Cleveland. I did drive my car, but I haven’t touched it since I arrived. Nearly everything I’ve visited so far is within a mile radius, and I’ve gone on multiple walks each day. It’s SO nice. A nice reminder, since I’ve been slacking on the walking at home lately. I’m sure the change of scenery helps :) But I feel better just knowing that I’m moving around, breathing fresh air, and not being so ridiculously lazy. (Unfortunately I haven’t done any training walks since I arrived… I planned on doing those in the morning but these long training days are making me tired and I’m sleeping in instead. Hmm, perhaps I should just go jump on the treadmill and bust out two miles right now. Yes, I think so.)
Oh, back to my original thought. I really want to focus on overall health, not just weight loss. Perhaps this goal is still relevant – many of my goals focus on other areas of health and wellness – or perhaps a “be healthy” goal makes sense. Something to ponder. On the treadmill :)