Last night I had a nightmares. First I dreampt my apartment was infested with mice and cockroaches. In addition to a bunch of other crazy illogical stuff, in this dream I had to move back in with my mother.
I woke up distraught at first, until I realized where I was. There were no mice, and no cockroaches. It was 6:45a.m. My bedroom was full of warm light from the rising sun. It was time to get ready for work. Everything was OK. It was just a bad dream.
Actually, I’ve been smiling an awful lot lately.
I love sitting in my living room and feeding my turtle Sheldon.
At night time I love to take the stairs down to the basement to get my mail. Each step I take down, I just feel like there’s no way any of this can be for real. And I get my mail, go back upstairs, and miraculously my apartment is still there. The curtains, the plants, the kitchen.
Each day I wake up with so much joy in my heart that it’s another day I get to experience life. I can’t even describe it. I often feel like crying, because I can’t remember a time in my life when I ever felt happy to wake up, or even be alive.
And each day, I take a deep breath and try to have courage and be brave, to go out into the world and explore, and just trust that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way.
I’m at a loss for where these latest entries should even be going now. I want to say I’ve beat my depression. Even though I know healing is still a process, how is this entry, this one right here, not indicative of a totally new Draco? I’m overcoming my depression!