A lot of things about this semester has been stressing me out. I don’t have my refund check (but I found out that it’ll come sometime in September, maybe, nobody really had answers, but it’ll come, I just needed someone to tell me that), I’m not losing weight (I’ve been here eight days) and my roommate is always going on about her weight loss and I’m happy for her, buuuut I don’t want to see how skinny she is. And whatever else. It’s the beginning of a semester. I’m worried about next semester and jobs and apartments, stuff that can wait until next month, when everything else is taken care of and I’m settled in.

So I went up to the sixth floor lounge. This is another one of my spots that I go when I’m stressed. I like it because you can see all the way to Canada and look out over the city. I went there early, early last fall before going to church with someone. I was excited that I had made it that far in my life and had given up those crappy friends and yadda yadda. Now, going there, when I was feeling like I wasn’t good enough for anything, I realized just how far I’ve come in terms of personal development.
That’s why I have so many spots, I know who I was the last time I was there and I don’t have any need to compare myself to anyone else. And sometimes it’s just a good view, and takes me away from the tiny bubble that is campus life.

To find out about that loan, I had to walk all the way across campus, so I passed the Detroit Library on my way back. I think I’m going to make it a tradition to spend some time reading there every Friday. It’ll get my day started earlier than 12pm, and I’ll get some reading done.

Nagging things that are stressing me out:

1. I’m racking up the debt.
2. It’s not about to go down anytime soon.
3. Do I work and have classes full time?
4. What am I doing after graduation?
5. Where am I staying this summer?
6. If I have to go home this summer, how do I graduate on time?
7. I miss my family so much, living here feels weird, why do I feel so yuck, why am I not as social as I was last year, why why why?
7 1/2. Not that I’m happy at home, and I’m not as happy here as last year. Maybe I’m not happy here because I have to think about the other things stressing me out?
8. My dad is stressed that I don’t have the money for a book yet, and I don’t want to spend his money now, even though I can pay him back when I get the refund check like, next month.
9. Also, the book I need for that class seems really hard and I’m really, really, really nervous about it.

I get depressed around my birthday, not like majorly. I just don’t like people doing a bunch of stuff just for me, like surprises (I passionately hate surprises) and whatever. Just ignore me and my birthday and give me a card with fifty bucks and let it goooo.

I’ve been doing an experiment for maybe the past four years or so. I read that vitamin D has something to do with depression, and you get that from the sun, or something, and extra can be stored in fat cells. So the summers that I was outside all the time, I wasn’t depressed in the fall. Summers I spent in an awful ice cream parlor with no AC and other ones I spent inside a lot, I got depressed. Or the two falls I didn’t get depressed was a fluke and the fall dip is normal.