This helps a lot. You cleared up some questions for me. I feel a lot less pressure now to find a sponsor as I thought that having one was a key component to the program.

I will pick up the books you suggested and begin reading.

A sponsor sponee relationship is a very important one so choose the one that has what you want. It needs to be built on trust. Keep going to meetings. Try to find one where the attendees have a lot of time in recovery and listen to what they have to say. And you can always change sponsors if it isn’t working for you. I loved my first sponsor but when she told me no to date mrrad after I had been around a year, it was time to change. If I had listened to her on that particular thing I would not have been with Mrrad for the last 24 years. Sponsors are there to help you work the steps but they are not therapists, lawyers or financial advisors, or medical professionals.

Mrrad has been around over 25 years and has had 4 different sponsors in that time. I’ve had 3.

And most definitely a woman. I’m a traditionalist in that respect, I’ve seen too much 13th stepping (where romantic relationships take advantage of a newcomer)

Just remember that every person in the room had to walk in the door the first time. You are very courageous. It gets better.

I am finding the meetings are helping me tremendously. I have not been able to go every day like I wanted because I work such a long shift, (13 1/2 hrs) and by the time I get home and sleep and shower and eat, I am done for the day. I am still attending as often as possible and keeping my eye out for a sponsor. I think I may have spotted her today. A woman that I felt immediately comfortable with. She was speaking with somebody after the meeting so I didn’t want to disturb her but I stuck around and helped clean up where I would normally just leave right away. I am getting better. I am identifying my triggers. I am staying sober. I have not yet started on my steps, mostly because I haven’t yet received the 12 by 12 book I ordered. But every meeting has helped me, every meeting I heard something that made me feel better, or not so alone, or that I am not crazy, and that a life of sobriety is and can be done.

It has been the best decision I have made in a long time.