tried meetup? (www.meetup.com) I recently moved away from home, became a stay at home mom, and felt REALLY alone…. (I’m mid 30’s)

I get what you are saying about feeling like you can’t get “in synch” with your conversations with people…. spending so much time alone or just with the baby made me feel “out of practice”? Almost as if I’m not in the conversation but standing outside of the conversation judging myself or my words… judging how the conversation is going. So unlike my extroverted socially aware self. I was so desperate to make and hold onto friends that I found myself saying awkward things and I’m like “who is this????” I really couldn’t recognize myself.

Meetup was a way for me to find other people in my are with similar interests. And depending on where you live I guess, there are soooooooooooo many meetups about sooooooo many different things you are bound to find some people to connect with. So as I started being more social again, that “out of synch” stuff just went away and I feel I came back to my “normal” self.

Now I’m working on gaining my self esteem back… my inlaws have “rejected” me in a sense bc they don’t like my more natural approach to parenting…. it really hurts. I realized that quite a bit of my self worth has been coming from what other people think about me as opposed to coming from within… a true belief that I am good regardless of what I do, say, act on, or agree with… even when I am rejected, I should still be able to recognize how good I am… I starting this new goal today.

I hope you feel better, and I know your true friends are just waiting for you to find them. They are out there scratching their heads wondering where you are too.

Hope I am not being to forward in offering my story… just wishing you the best.

I have been really surprised the few times I’ve worked up the courage to try making new friendships with women. We almost all feel how difficult it is. They may be having the same difficulty you are, trying to ask YOU how to be friends!
Maybe try just “Y’all want to come over for trash TV and margaritas sometime?” or “The high school is doing a haunted house next weekend, y’all want to go see it?” to see how they react…

in being alone. It is hard to connect with people when you’re used to a having a certain social life around you. And it does suck when people can’t listen to your stuff because of (usually) their own stuff.

Meetup is a great idea. You can set up get-togethers around shared interests wherever you like. In Cambridge, for example, there are Spanish conversation groups pretty much every day. I don’t know, maybe you could set up a group to talk about vegetarian cooking, and once you’ve got to know people, organise a group dinner?

Hugs and strength! I keep saying to A that I’ve never really been to your bit of the country (except going through on the train). Someday soon I hope! xx

And I wish I lived much closer!

I’ve also lost the knack of speaking to people. After all this studying – years and years of locking myself away and making excuses from social events – I find myself fairly stranded. I love my own company, but it’s getting a bit of a joke (particularly with me not working right now – I can go a week speaking to no one except my dad!).

One suggestion, if you’ll forgive the overwhelming cliche, is indeed that old chestnut about joining a group. I went out yesterday to meet up with the NaNoWriMo people, and I totally totally see the whole ‘take up a hobby’ thing – I’m going to spend the next four Saturdays or so sitting chatting to these folk about a common interest, which takes all the pressure off making smalltalk, and shows the absolutely best side of me as it’s something I’m genuinely passionate about!

...we could have been spending an awesomely lazy Sunday together!

I’m not good at making friends and am even worse at keeping them (44 years old and I have 3 friends, possibly 2 as one has been out of touch for ages) so I don’t really have any tried and tested suggestions. Clubs seem like a good idea in principle but I’m not much of a ‘joining’ person so that doesn’t work for me. I do agree with Molotov that if you’re comfortable doing it, it’s totally ok to ask potential friends on a ‘date’.

Sorry, that’s not at all helpful is it? It’s packed with sympathy though. You’re far too awesome a person to be feeling lonely; I’m sure some equally awesome and sociable people will rock up into your life soon.
x

To both you AND WQJE. And several other sorts on 43T. But I’ve already met you and WQJE, and I know you’re both fantastic.

I agree with Molotov and others, there’s no use saying, “Hey, are you available Thursday? Wanna grab a coffee?” If they accept, great, and remember to wrap up the coffee “date” before things start getting awkward – better to end on a good note than an awkward note. If they decline, then the ball’s in their court. Let them extend an invitation to you the next time if they are interested. In the meantime, you can invite other potential friends.

(A movie is a good one, too, because you don’t have to talk during the movie, but you have something to talk about afterwards.)

::shakes fist at sky::

Darn you, oversized globe!! Wish I could come and eat Yorkshire pudding on your couch again!

from Molotov and Sky! Try putting out a light-hearted suggestion or two, as Molotov said. One of my housemates recently had a Sex & The City evening, which involved a box set of S&TC, a little glamming-up and a few cocktails. Maybe something like that, tailored to the TV show of your choice?

Meetup.com looks useful. I haven’t tried it yet, but strangely, I was checking it out for my own (very similar) purposes just yesterday! You live near a big town, so there should be quite a few things going on within range.

Do you still go to Zumba? You could try inviting someone new along to that – perhaps someone at work whose company you enjoy. Activities involving physical exercise are supposed to be particularly good for making friends…

http://mwfseekingbff.com/

She writes about her search for new local friends, after moving to be with her husband.

I know something of how you feel, so I’ve been in similar circumstances for years. If only my online friends lived closer.