i hope this helps: when that happens, just say, i forgive myself. if you do this enough, you’ll get more freedom from these self-defeating thoughts.

There is a poem I will post here for you. This entry reminded me of it. I really think the poem could help with those feelings of self hatred. It helped me because it’s brilliant. I will post it here for you when I get off work :-)

By David Wilcox

I got such a mess between my ears
like dishes in the sink
Stuff I don’t believe just tumbles in
until I don’t have room to think
These dark clouds I’ve stowed away
just in case of a sunny day
So I can stand in the pouring rain
of every tear I’ve ever shed
I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

This could be a room with such a view,
but its covered up with junk
Blocking off the place the light gets through
so it keeps me in this funk
All my failures are on display,
the broken dreams of yesterday
Stuff I should have thrown away,
but I’ve kept it here instead

I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

I’d like to turn this place into my home
instead of someplace that I dread
Its the only place thats mine alone,
and I’ll live here ‘til I’m dead
I’ll sort through what I have found,
the stuff that works I’ll keep around
But I can’t live weighted down
with every cruel word they said

I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

I’ve got to empty out the inside of my head

Seriously, though, we all have that problem. I go through it every time I get depressed. It’s always ” If only, if only, if only.”
Recognizing it is the first step. Some never make it that far. Now you need a plan to counteract the thoughts. That’s something you’ll and your doctor(if you’re seeing one) have to come up with. It has to be something personalized for you.
It could be something like distraction, a mantra, or some other thing.