The Threshold Singers sent me a notice that they are accepting new singers into their group right now.

They rehearse in Shoreline, which is about 20 miles away, in the evenings. It would probably take me 90 minutes to get there by car. The leader, though, seems to think that I could set up an Eastside branch. Maybe I could.

What it would take:

Six women. There’s me, so I need to find five more. Ann might do it with me, so now I need four more. I asked on Facebook. Silence. I might need to approach some people individually.

This brings up general insecurity. Fears: people don’t like me, so they won’t want to join the group. People who I have sung with in the past don’t like my voice, so they won’t want to join the group. It will be me begging some other people to do it. They won’t want to join in, and my fears will be confirmed as truths.

Location. This is easy. I can fit six women in my living room. I own a piano and a guitar – well, several guitars – so if we need either instrument, I’ve got them. More than six women, we might need a real location.

Someone to lead the musical end. Well, I can sort of do this. I’ve never done it, but I could do it. I can at least read music. Or someone who is much more musical than I could do it.

Training. Someone, maybe me or the person who is more musical, would have to go to the training. Or, if I rustled up six women, the trainer might come to us.

Then, there’s more fears around this. To wit:
A. I have been told that I sing too loud. All the time. This kind of singing requires singing softly. Maybe I am not capable of this. Or maybe I need the practice. Or maybe it’s not my style. I am not sure which of these, if any, are true.

B. You sing for people who are dying. That is appealing to me. But at the same time, I have never been around people who are dying, except generally at the nursing home where I used to work. And I have never seen a dead body. I would have to confront some general dread and fear around death and dying.

B1. So, because I’m a pathetic psychic live-wire, I have far too much experience with discarnate individuals. I have a lot of fear that I will overload my sensitivities here, and be rendered a psychic basket case. Or have I come far enough along since I set this goal that I could take this on?

B2. Is it arrogant for me to think that because of all that experience, I would be able to help people at the threshold more than your average Jo?

B3. Or is it both B1 and B2 above, and I would be both – overwhelmed, and be extraordinarily helpful?

C. I have been working to reduce other stress, strains, and time sinks in my life. Is this going to be too much?

D. Am I kidding myself with my musical abilities? Do I sing in tune well enough? Do I blend well with others well enough? Can I sing a part on my own well enough? It’s been so long since I sang with any group. I am feeling really insecure around all of that.

_{fear fear fear}

What do I do next?