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Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust dances the line between two worlds...

stop pulling my hair (read all 311 entries…)
Days 27 and 28: Repeling Off Skyscrapers

Day 27 I didn’t pull at all and Day 28 I only pulled once.

I wanted to repel off of the side of skyscraper today, but I had to work instead. :(

I have been constantly exhausted and I feel as though I am swimming as hard as I can and barely keeping my head above water, but today I barely pulled at all and that is a victory.



Comments:

Opera Riot feast when you can, and dream when there's nothing to feast on

What is

the main source(s) of your anxiety? Your posts while you were in school didn’t seem to have the same tone; is it the transition?

Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust dances the line between two worlds...

Muddy Details of Everyday life

My family is going through a difficult time right now financially, legally, and emotionally and I am bearing most of the responsibility for fixing everything. I have to solve all the family’s problems and my own personal problems (such as a medical complication that I just had to deal with which cost me a lot of money because I don’t have health insurance). Plus, I think, there’s the anxiety of having to choose a life path and of making the right choice… and the anxiety of realizing that it might take me a while to be able to afford graduate school. And the fear that I won’t be able to help those who are suffering. And all the animals and non-human animals who are suffering. And the loneliness. And the sadness. And working full time at a minimum wage job where I have to ask permission to use the loo and where the managers treat me as though I am an idiot. And they give me all the worst jobs to do.

I just need to vent my anger here on 43things because I have no one to talk to really and I feel extremely alone. I can talk to my family, sort of, but when they are the people cauding my problems, I feel as though I just have to suck it up, so to speak, and deal with it.

Big-picture-wise, I’m optomistic about what will come in my life, but now I’m a bit stuck in the muddy details of everyday existence. They’re pulling me in a little bit.

I feel like a bird who is trapped in a cage and knows the way out, but the key is on the other side of the room and no one will help her get it… Oh, plus the bird is afraid its family will die if it doesn’t get out of the cage and retrieve the key. And the bird is burried under a pile of books.

My tone is less optomostic not because I am less optomistic, but because when gas is put under great pressure, at some point it needs to escape… or else the gas’ pressure will destroy the vessel.

((((Lune Fromage))))

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

First...

Why are you responsible for fixing your family’s legal problems and financial problems?

How did you get roped into this?

Unless you were the direct cause of these issues, I don’t feel like you are responsible.

Obviously I don’t know the whole story here, but if you don’t already have your own place, I would move out if possible. You have to start planning a way out.

I understand about the minimum wage job issue, it can feel like a life sentance. Is it at all possible to look for a better job? Can you get a student loan to take a course?

I know your life must feel like there’s no way out, but there must be. Other people have done it. You can too.

You just need to start looking, and start finding ways to get your own place, and stop taking responsibility for your family’s problems.

You sound young, and it sounds like your family has you convinced that you have to be involved in their problems. You do not.

You have to start planning your own life, and finding a way out from under this weight.

If you are still in school, start talking to a counsellor, or a career counsellor. Your family won’t be any help here.

You might be able to find some kind of resources in your city, a therapist who works on a sliding scale, a women’s resource centre, or even talking to someone at a community college about getting help to go to school. There are grants available.

Keep in mind that I doubt you’d be able to complete college if you were still living at home, because the stress and pressure would interfere.

You might be able to get enough money to live in a dorm, or find roomates.

Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust dances the line between two worlds...

Please don't misunderstand

I am actually moving out soon. I will be living in Japan. I will miss my family greatly. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. I’ve just been having a difficult time right now—everyone in my family is and we’re all trying to solve it. I just happen to be taking on a lot.

I graduated college and I will have a good job soon (August). I am not stuck in minimum wage limbo, but when I’m at work sometimes it feels like I am.

I am just worried about my family It is my responsibility to help them because I love them. It’s just that sometimes it feels like my family expects me to solve all of their problems. I just needed to vent my frustration because I am tired and worn out and I don’t want my family to feel bad that I feel bad.

But I will be moving soon and then I will have a new problem—missing my family.

Please don’t think my family is bad or anything like that. I just needed to complain because I keep a very strong face for them. I took on much of the weight and responsibility myself.

But I appreciate all your advice and the fact that you are trying to help me! It is very kind of you.

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

A person can love their family very much,

and still need their own place, distance from their problems, and room to grow as an individual.

I’m glad that you have some plans that should move you past your frustration.

Opera Riot feast when you can, and dream when there's nothing to feast on

I used to feel similar

crushing responsibility for my dysfunctional, co-dependent family—at some point it dawned on me that the best thing I could do for my family was take care of myself. It sounds like you’re heading in that direction, but the individuation process can be complicated.

Best of luck, kiddo.


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