well im either going mad or theres something wrong with our relationship.. im siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick of this, of being irratable and depressed everytime i talk to him and seemingly without reason, although there must be a reason, that much is obvious. i feel like im being a pushover by staying with him, that im being weak. its almost like love has nothing to do with it. maybe im just not made for relationships. or maybe the long distance is finally taking its toll.
ive been here before too. i can almost see what i doing, its like im testing him and testing him, and that is so unfair of me but i dont mean to its just… subconscious? god i dont know. all i know is that .. i miss him? yes i do.. i love him? yes.. and i think he loves me but i think he’s getting sick of me, and i cant blame him cos im sick of me.
can i really lose him now? after everything, and with so much to come? of course its possible. sigh.
this is such a stupid entry. i feel so weak.