“Why are women immobile? Because so many feel like they’re waiting for someone to say, “You’re good, you’re pretty, I give you permission.” –Eve Ensler

Women have to overcome their fear of not being liked. “It’s a choice we have to make between being good—quiet enough, thin enough, pretty enough, pleasant enough, good enough—and being great.”

“The only time I got into trouble in the river was when I wanted people to look at me in the boat in the river, when I wanted to stop and wave and make sure people saw me in the boat.”

I believe it’s at those moments when we try to wave and be seen and praised that we are actually drowning. As poet Stevie Smith wrote, “I was much further out than you thought/And not waving but drowning.”

The message I took from her metaphor? Give in to the river and fully embrace it and flow with it because it knows what you should be doing with your life. Move with it without pause, without trying to stop the boat so people can admire you and like you, so they can say “you’re good, you’re smart, you’re pretty, I give you permission.” Keep moving, keep seeing, keep knowing, and keep saying what you know to be your truth, without needing or looking for the admiration of others. Give in to that damn river.

You are good. You are beautiful. You are smart. Give yourself permission

What’s your river? Find it and jump in. There will be times, as Ensler said, when you have to paddle a little; sometimes you’ll need to paddle a lot. And there will be other times when you are swept into a maelstrom of whitewater. Be there; don’t stop to wave, to have your picture taken, or to have your boat admired. Just go as if your life depended on it. Know what you know, see what you see, say what you say wherever you can say it.

Be great, not good.

“In many ways we were drugged when we were young. We were brought up to need people. For what? For acceptance, approval, appreciation, applause…” – Anthony De Mello, from Awareness