Someone once suggested to me that it might help if I focused on how the OTHER person feels—which is very different from focusing on what the other person thinks (of me). There’s a certain amount of self-centredness in shyness, which is not to say that a shy person is “self-centered” in the common use of the phrase but merely focused inward on self rather than outward on the other person. It’s a paradox.

Perhaps you are focused on what the other person thinks of YOU, which makes you worry about YOU. What if you tried to focus on THEIR feelings instead? It’s almost impossible to both focus on them and on yourself with equal energy at the same time. And to focus on them, you have to really listen—which I found to be the key to silencing all the fears in my head saying “what will s/he think of me if I say/do X …?!” It was a way to start, anyway …

Wow, that’s really interesting, and it sounds reasonable. I’ll try it, thanks!