understand the complicated relationships women have with each other (read all 3 entries…)
Why do we tear each other down instead of building each other up?

This is a conversation I often have with my friend, Stephanie. I want to understand more why women sabotage each other. Why do we tear each other down instead of building each other up?

Why do we fight over men who probably wouldn’t do the same for us in return? Why do we gossip about one another? Accuse someone of sleeping their way to top? Hate another woman who we perceive as being “prettier” or better in some way?

Throughout life I’ve had many interesting encounters with women. And I don’t understand why we’re not more supportive of each other. It seems like we’re always trying to one-up the other on who’s having the worst day, the worst period cramps, the worst life.

Can’t we do something positive for each other as “sisters”? We could be each other’s greatest support, but instead we choose to dwell on what makes up petty (things that categorize women as being “catty”).



Comments:

I’ll drink to that. It’s all true, too. I realized a while back that my close female friends were the only women (nonrelated) in my life with whom I didn’t feel that natural innate “competitition.” Chris Rock said one (paraphrase) that the reason women don’t rule the world is because women hate women. It’s true.

I agree we do hate each other, and I’m not sure why. Are we conditioned to be this way by women in our families, or is it truly something that we’re born with? I can literally count the number of women I feel close to-outside of family-on one hand. Women are strong, but we seem to make ourselves appear weak by being petty and catty—especially toward one another.

I tend to take the seemingly cop-out answer of “I blame society for promoting a sense of inferiority.” The women in my family, at least my mom and grandmothers (from whom I learned “how to be a woman”), are not that way, at least not beyond any inward feelings of competition we all have but don’t express. I have never noticed them acting competitively or cattily towards other women, either. And they never encouraged me to compare myself to anyone (quite the opposite) but to be my own person and enjoy who I am.

Yet I still have those nagging feelings of me vs “them,” even if they’re diminished by a general love for other people and the desire to not compete in anything.

Society, that could be it. The women in my family have never really been catty toward each other or other women, either—at least, not for petty reasons. If they happened to be angry at another woman, chances are there was a reason for it. And it never turned into a gossip-fest or “let’s tear down this woman”-fest. They handled it as adults are supposed to.

Society does send out conflicting views to women—such as you don’t need a man to be complete, but if you’re not married by your late twenties, there has to be something wrong with you as a woman. Society also tells us that there’s a good man out there for all women BUT you have to get to him first. Society is full of contradictions when it comes to women.

rosymamacita is still writing, 21 years later. Don't give up.

I agree and it's crazy.

I hope you are using this idea, this iquiry, in your novel.

It’s a fantastic issue to explore in whatever you are writing.

I would love to write a fictional story that explores the relationship women have with each other. I know it’s been done many times before, but I think this is one issue that has endless possibilities.

a-freakin’-men. I can’t understand it either, but I guess the fact that I strongly dislike the cattiness probably just adds fuel to the fire, doesn’t it? :P

Watching a clique of women or girls is like watching an episode of “When Animals Attack” on the Discovery Channel. There’s such an air of competition with an under current of cannabilism (ie, they will not hesitate to fall on a member of the pack at the slightest hint of weakness) that I find myslef repelled and fascinated at the same time. Maybe this vein of thinking is why I haven’t got a single female friend.

Why can't we work togther

Why is it that whenever women have to do a group project together they bicker?If you watched the apprentice season 4 you will agree that they bicker a lot and can not work together


The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself. has gotten 5 cheers on this entry.

 

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