Untitled on go toe to toe with myself on 43 Things

jerebel is trying to sleep.

go toe to toe with myself (read all 3 entries…)

Untitled — 2 years ago

Why is it that I want to be with someone, but anytime someone asks if I want to go out with them, I feel this overwhelming panic and tuck tail and run?

I’m happy with my life as it sits. I have family, friends, and lovers. I want the final missing piece, the one person that is there with you at night when the world has kicked your ass. But all in all, I’m happy. I wouldn’t change it.

So, why, if I want that love; if I want that relationship; why do I run away as fast as I can when the possibility arrises? Why am I so uncomfortable letting anyone in my home? In my little 2 bedroom corner of the world? If someone wants to come into it, why am I so….anxious about that?

Jun 13, 2006, 11:02AM PDT 1 cheer

Comments:

Tartsy

Hermit Factor

That’s what I call it… I’ve fought with myself over this very same thing. In fact my wall was built up so high I almost lost my one true love for fear of letting him in. Needless to say all’s well that ends well but it was rough!

I’ve gotten better over the years but I still have those feelings when I know family/friends/etc will be “invading” my sanctuary. I usually talk myself down from the ledge in time to host a wonderful party but in those moments leading up to it I still get those pesky hermit pangs.

Fight the hermit!!

Jun 13, 2006, 01:52PM PDT | Respond to this

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