My cat was diagnosed with some sort of urinary crystal problem many years ago. Translation: she leaked urine. She was placed on prescription cat food that stopped her from leaking but caused massive weight gain. Visitors made rude comments about my pet; the vet made me feel as though I was at best a neglectful parent, at worst downright abusive. And the food did not stop her most troublesome habit of actively spraying urine on my belongings to express her displeasure.

I stopped in a fancy pants pet food store a few months ago and some woman convinced my the reason my cat was incontinent was because she lacked a proper diet and nutrient stores and therefore was attempting to mark her territory so other perpetually elusive cats would stay away from her Hill’s C/DS diet. My spouse thought the theory was stupid, but I was desperate, so we switched her to expensive wet food a few months ago.

It has had a generally salutatory effect on our feline. She no longer sprays in retaliation, although she has had a few accidents since our recent move to the new house. She is using her litterboxes regularly, likely a combination of open boxes with flushable cat litter that make us more likely to scoop it frequently. And, she has lost about 2 pounds, which for a human would be about 30. Go cat.

Objects are no longer trapped in her gravitational force field. I am officially a Good Parent™.