I spent this weekend in Adelaide, where I was born and my mum and dad grew up. It’s been too long since my last visit—I notice the change in people, my nanny becoming frail, the furniture in my nanna’s house losing its shape, my great uncle pausing while he tried to remember who I was with his fading memory.

The intention when I booked my flights some 4 weeks ago was to see my cousins and meet my new baby second cousin Levi, see my nans and catch-up with family which it had been too long since I’d last seen. Sadly, my cousin Daniel committed suicide last Monday, so you could say the spirit of my trip changed somewhat. My sisters and brother and our three cousins grew up together; I can’t count the number of family photos where we stood alongside eachother in age order, first with my big sister taller than the rest and slowly with the boys catching up before the line-up was no longer a perfect angle. We had so much fun together. We could go years without seeing each-other but feel like it was only yesterday since we did. I thought we’d continue this, all seven of us, into old age… Only 29 it seems such a waste—if only he realised how much he was loved and how much we would miss him.

Death is never easy to deal with I know. But these circumstances make it that much harder, it just feels so unreal, so wrong. I feel pain for how he must have felt to do this. I feel pain for his brothers, dad, mum, partner and two boys left behind. I wish I could change things, but I know I can’t.

It’s times like these we’re reminded, in the most confronting way possible, how precious life is, and that the people you love: your partner, family and friends—are so very special and that we should make sure they always know this and we always have time to let them know we care.

RIP Daniel 19-06-2006