How to paint a tasteful portrait of Christ on a bike
It made me
exult. 
"Your actual mileage may vary. These results are not typical."
How I did it: Hold in your mind's eye the image of your ideal Jesus. Perhaps He is a
disco devotee, eating ice cream, selling insurance, an angry nun,
or Sylvester Stalone. Contemplating your ideal Jesus, begin to sketch His outline. Do not neglect to include the necessary disco ball, good
humor wrapper, pie chart, ruler, or boxing gloves. Then, taking great
care and caution, insert a stylin' red cruiser between the legs of Ideal
Jesus (tm).
(You may want to adjust the legs slightly at this point.)
Add streamers for best effect. Serve chilled.
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