cuoresolo be a 1st-rate vs of yourself, not a 2nd-rate vs of someone else
I can totally relate
I know exactly what you mean..and I do it with my husband. I’m currently going through this. Something happened 2 months ago and I’ve just had enough. I’m really ready to take care of myself, but he won’t leave. We’re living in this nightmare…being civil but not being really married limbo…and it’s driving me insane.
We’ve been married for over 11 years but the last 4 years have been so miserable. We got back together 4 years ago after a 15 month separation. The problems we had that were the reasons for the separation in the first place (his lies and betrayals) persisted and I just keep giving him chances instead of taking care of myself by saying, “No. This is not acceptable and I will not let you treat me this way.” I had the courage to do this 4 years ago when I moved out of state to get away from him…I had to do that in order to move on. I didn’t think I could stand to look at him or run into him. I’m just way too weak when it comes to him. Anyway, he chased me till he wore me down and I let him back in…it was the worst mistake ever. If I could go back and do one thing..just one…it would be to say no, I don’t want this anymore. I will always love him…but I cannot change his behavior and although he says he wants to stop his destructive behavior, his actions do not say it and I have a choice whether or not to live with someone who hurts me over and over. I choose no…but then I choose yes because I am still grieving for the man I married and I just keep thinking (hoping) things will change…and they never do.
I need to learn to tell him NO.
gabyc9 is living with no regrets
It isn't easy...
In fact, it is never easy to say no to someone you care about. It is hard to believe that you are doing the best thing for the both of you, when they keep saying what they “need” is you. It isn’t easy, but if you can find in yourself the strength to do what is best for you, it is SO worth it.
It may take awhile, but you need to give everything a big overview and come to terms with what really needs to be done. The hardest part is actually doing it, but afterwards it is all downhill and like a weight is lifting from your shoulders… It is a certain kind of relief.
I hope you can figure things out and good luck.
cuoresolo be a 1st-rate vs of yourself, not a 2nd-rate vs of someone else
Thank you..
...for responding to me. I sorta felt like I was sending that out into the void.
I have given him a deadline of the 27th. Since we really don’t have the funds for 2 residences, I asked him if he would at least go to GA and take an extended visit with this mother. He said ok. And I’m mean like 6-8 weeks! Not sure if she’ll go for that because she has no idea what is going on. But I* need the distance in order to really think. I mean, I have been thinking, but it’s hard to put any serious thought into what you want when the person you’re thinking about is under your roof. *sigh
Anyway, thanks again s much!
J
