Utterly,
unutterably fabulous.
Wish I’d been there!
How to be denounced (loudly and publicly) as the Antichrist
It made me 
How I did it: Please understand, this is not a goal I actively set out to achieve, but, it seems, some things just happen without you even trying.
Picture the scene, if you will; Saturday afternoon in the city centre, swirling crowds of shoppers, a busker or two, and me, sitting on a bench. I was just sitting there listening to a guy play his banjo; I wasn't making buildings crumble with my frightful stare or plotting to wither the crops or bring the livestock down with mastitis or anything of that nature. Just sitting, listening to banjo-man.
All of a sudden a man who was not banjo-man appeared in front of me, brandishing some kind of flyer. I never take these things (why would I? to walk four paces down the street and deposit it in a bin? Put it in the bin yourself distributor people - cut out the middle man. Or better yet, don't get them printed at all and leave the poor trees alone. Sorry, I digress.)
In the time honoured fashion, avoiding eye contact in order to prevent becoming 'engaged' with said distributor of leaflet, I shook my head and politely murmured, "No thanks".
That's when it happened.
Looming over me as I sat meekly on my bench, in a booming voice and dramatic voice, with finger pointing in my face, he declared:
"If you deny the Father and the Son then YOU are the antichrist!"
There was no point looking around to see if he was talking to someone else; the pointing finger made it quite clear that it was not a general admonishment but one specifically directed at me. But I looked around anyway.
Oh the horror! The man was not alone; in a semi circle around the back of my bench there stood about 7 of his fellow crusaders, and an interested crowd was starting to gather.
During the momentary pause he had allowed in order for me to answer his proclamation I swiftly gathered my bags, stood up, drawing myself to the very top of my height (which somewhat deliciously turned out to be about 2 inches more than his), tilted my hat at him, smiled ohsosweetly and said, "You want to work on your sales pitch mate".
I knew BBB was fibbing when he said you couldn't see my horns through my hat.
x
Lessons & tips:
- It seems these things happen quite by chance; be alert for opportunities.
- Maximise your chances by sitting in a place where seriously religious people assemble
- If, having been denounced, you experience an identity crisis I would suggest some experimentation might settle the issue; when I failed to use the force of my mind to induce my husband to make me a cup of tea, I figured I probably didn't have evil and supernatural powers. If you can set a cow on fire by looking at it crossly then you might want to get a second opinion on the whole antichrist thing.
Resources:
- A religious zealot
- A public place
- A dislike of promotional leaflets
- Ears (unless you plan to be denounced in writing)
5 people found this helpful
Comments:
Brad armPitt Today I am made of 17479 days.
Oh, that's a real easy one...
Use their own book to get back at them: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Of course, you’d have to say it in a loud, booming voice while pointing back at them.
What exactly was their religion? Shamers?
Tarrador is going to make May MARVELOUS!
So...
YOU’RE the Anti-Christ!! Whew! That’s a relief off my shoulders. Now I can clear my calendar for May 21st.
Get thee behind me.
dragonfly35 Time to shine!
My take-home final for YTT
is due May 22nd. Do you think “I thought I would be raptured” is a good enough excuse for not doing it on time? ;)
Actually, since chanting the names of Hindu gods daily almost certainly precludes me from being raptured, I suppose I’d better get down to the T/tribulation of working on that exam, huh?
I want a deadline due May 22nd
so that I can miss it and then use that line:
“I thought I would be raptured”
LOL!
x
Tarrador is going to make May MARVELOUS!
Maybe we...
can all file class action suits against the people who put up those bill boards, claiming the loss and suffering and general inconveinence we experienced on May 21.
Chanting the name of Hindu gods? You are so not going to Christian heaven. But, I once heard a preacher extoll the virtues of Ghandi and all he did for peace, only to bemoan the fact that Ghandi could never be in Christian heaven, so consider your roommates if you get left behind.
dragonfly35 Time to shine!
Great idea!
The lawsuit sounds fun. I’m in.
Definitely not going to heaven now.
(This comment was deleted.)
I find it rather heart warming
that your faith in me is such that even having discovering I’m the Antichrist you still believe I’ll do the right thing! :D
From behind it is then.
x
flowergirlresumed is back on 43 things
Ahhhh
Born Again Christians, it just has to be… I once had a similar experience in Nottingham ;)
This happens to me a lot
with the Religious People Who Gather in Shopping Areas to Shout; perhaps it’s time for me to have a careful self evaluation…maybe my evil is shining forth too brightly and that’s why they pick me? ;p
No idea what religion they were from this time…the ones who shout in the street are all much of a muchness to me – too fanatical
x
littlesoul dark is....delicious.
Hee hee hee
i wish i’d been there.
Me too
I could have deflected him by pointing out that you’re waaaay worse than me! ;p
In the best possible way of course (said in Kenny Everett voice ;o)
x
littlesoul dark is....delicious.
Awwwwww
you say the sweetest things to me :)
If it happens again just fall at the man’s feet grab his ankles and start screaming “FATHER FORGIVE ME, FATHER FORGIVE ME!!” He won’t be long mumbling as he tries to sneak away…that’s when you jump on his back with your legs wrapped round his waist saying “DON’T LEAVE ME IN THIS WILDERNESS ALONE, WHAT KIND OF A SHEPHERD LEAVES HIS FLOCK ON THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN TO PERISH AMONGST THE WOLVES!”
TroegPerdo is Gobsmacked, in a good way!
You're Warped!
... But in a good way!
I’d sure love to see something like this!
OH God!!!
Save me from your followers!!!
Though I’ve (surprisingly) never been denounced as the Antichrist (we all know that’s Oprah) the random God people of various persuasions constantly seek me out to save me. The last one, loudly suggested I get down on my knees and beg God for guidance. I answered in an equally loud voice…”I DID AND WAS SHOWN BUDDHISM!!” Funny! No one’s attempted to save me since.
Disclaimer: I don’t want to knock anyone’s religion, please show me the same respect.
TroegPerdo is Gobsmacked, in a good way!
You're so lucky...
I keep hoping something like this to happen to me!
Nice!
If I can set tofu on fire by just looking at it, does that make me a demi-anti-christ or does my antipathy for having animals killed on my behalf rule me out?
Sacrificial tofu
just doesn’t have the same ring, does it?
Yeah
Damn vegetarianism is gonna put me out of the running for anti-christ again. siiiiiigh
This is too funny.
And I just have to wonder what it is that makes people think they can surround a poor lone woman minding her own business FOR ANY REASON???
Of course, if you are the Antichrist, you are anything but a poor lone woman minding her own business. You have demons at your beck, and you are probably luring souls to perdition just by sitting there.
Well, congrats. That does not happen to many people.
Taz ok 2012 let's rock
At
6ft with bright red hair you’d think they’d see me fair game – oh hang on maybe that’s why they don’t pick on me LOL
Shame I do enjoy a good theological debate, I had my grandmother’s pastor in all sorts of knots when he was trying to convert me at her (death)bedside as apparently my unborn child would go to hell if I didn’t get it christened.
Wow! I'm sorry if this offends
but that’s the religious equivalent of the guy who tries to get into your knickers by being ‘sympathetic’ when you’ve had a bust up with your fella…if you see what I mean?
Major insensitivity towards your grandmother and you!
x
Taz ok 2012 let's rock
I would have been
offended if I hadn’t enjoyed toying with him so much. My Mother said later she felt quite sorry for him – I’m sure he learnt something from the experience. Hopefully it was at least keeping his opinions to himself, let’s just say at my grandma’s funeral he nearly did himself an injury trying to keep out of my way. :)
beauty11 happy.
WOW!
It’s one thing to be religious, but to condescendingly cast judgement upon a random stranger… that is uncalled for!
I love the post, however. Makes for a great story :) Just sorry it happened to YOU!
Over the years
I’ve become used to these random encounters and learned to enjoy them…religious people seem to zone in on me quite often (there was one notable time regarding an angry Buddhist and again, a leaflet) and people also seem to feel somehow invited to declare their views on aspects of my physical appearance (such as the woman who declared my hairstyle ‘too young’, as previously discussed on here)... you’ve gotta laugh… :D
Glad to have shared the smiles :-)
x
heaveemetal Nothing lasts forever, and you know that hearts can change
I've done this before...
and would have done it to them.
I would have thanked them profusely, perhaps offered them a handshake, taken the flyer, walked to the nearest trash can, thrown it in and glared at them.
And then walked right up to the first one that opened his mouth.
Don’t ask, that is my flier routine…
Perhaps I'm making silly assumptions
but I have a feeling that your disapproving glare is an awful lot more intimidating than mine ;-)
I’d like to watch your flier routine :D
x
heaveemetal Nothing lasts forever, and you know that hearts can change
I don't always do it...
I pick and choose after absorbing whether or not I am being forced to take one, am I at a numbers disadvantage and the kind of mood I’m in.
It’s pretty funny when the opportunity arises.
I would have done it to them for sure…
Epiphany_7 isn't sure what words to use.......
Rolling on the floor
laughing! I don’t even know what my reaction would be to being labeled the Anti-Christ by a perfect stranger! My husband, yeah, and stranger…...................LOL
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