How to be myself and be a wife simultaneously by signora oye vey

"i did and i still do"

How I did it: At first I just observed myself.  I observed myself freaking out.  That lasted a little while.  I was afraid to speak about my feelings because I felt ashamed of them (aren't new brides supposed to be happy happy happy?), but then I started talking about my freak out, my fears, and it helped to assuage them.  I started by talking to girlfriends and then I included my husband in the communication.

I can't say that my fears or my freak out moments disappeared completely - I still notice them there with me from time to time, but I'm less uprooted by them now.  Talking about feelings is an incredibly powerful tool, and the feelings that seem the scariest to talk about only gain power over one's mental state when they're repressed and kept silent.  Talking lets one perspective out, and invites another to come in.  How refreshing it can be!

Now I'm working on reassembling the sense of self that I held before 'wife' came in and took over.  Some pieces of that sense of self I'd like to have back, and others I'm glad to let pass into my past.  It's wonderful to remember that I have control over who I am, and who I will become - that this is determined by my thoughts and feelings and actions, not by a societal convention.

Exploring my mind to know my goals, writing about those goals, hearing feedback about them, and exploring the goals of others has been incredibly useful in this journey.  Thank you 43t community!

Lessons & tips: Speaking about stuck feelings is wonderful and powerful.
If you can't speak about them, write.
If you can't write about them, observe.
And remember that every piece of this life is in a constant state of flux - this too shall pass.

Resources: 43t, friends, springtime, journaling, penpals, faith in my perseverant spirit.


1 person found this helpful
 

Jun 02, 2011, 02:30AM PDT | 9 comments | 31 cheers


Comments:

JadedForever "My soul is evaporating."

Really -

great picture!
-JadedForever

Jun 02, 2011, 02:49AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

(This comment was deleted.)

Jun 02, 2011, 07:03AM PDT

signora oye vey todaying

:)

I don’t usually use names on this site. I’m not paranoid about internet privacy (though perhaps we all should be), but I write very personal things here, so a layer of anonymity is comfortable. When I write about him here, I call him Pancake. I call him Pancake to his face too, he likes it.

I love this photo! My brother snapped it.

<3

Jun 02, 2011, 09:25AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

JadedForever "My soul is evaporating."

I -

love that you call him Pancake, cute!
-JF

Jun 02, 2011, 01:25PM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

Lady of Shalott wishes peace and blessings onto the world.

It's almost cliche how I'm always out of cheers..

But yes, in agreement to the comments on the photograph.

And more than that, to the “out of the box” moment your post allows for. God bless you guys and cheers :D

Jun 02, 2011, 08:01AM PDT | Respond to this 3 cheers

rosewilder

I am so glad

you are feeling good about this.
You are so amazing.

Jun 02, 2011, 05:28PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

(This comment was deleted.)

Jun 02, 2011, 06:49PM PDT

WyvernDust

oh pancake is wonderful

how lovely

I call my partner my little coconut because he loves coconut so much, but I admit I call him my pancake sometimes too.

Jun 04, 2011, 06:36AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

(This comment was deleted.)

Jun 23, 2011, 10:58PM PDT


signora oye vey has gotten 31 cheers on this entry.

 

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