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How I did it: Went to the unemployment agency, threathened them with a gun and said, give me a job. That didn't work, I got arrested but the police said I'd make a fine officer, so I tried it at another unemployment agency. Threathened them verbally this time, and they weren't impressed, but gave me the job because they felt sorry for my poor resume, I didn't even bother to take with me.
Lessons & tips: Don't threathen them, they'll feel sorry for you.
Resources: unemployment agency