How I did it: Since we first met, my wife has had an unreasoning fear of water.  She says it is not unreasoning, it is a desire to avoid drowning.  I say that being unable to cross a bridge or get in a swimming pool without being gripped by a near mindless panic is unreasoning.

For years I, a Florida native and as such a huge water fan, was nearly resigned to the fact that all my water sport adventures would have to be enjoyed alone.  There seemed to be absolutely no budging her and her mindset that any water more than two inches deep presented a real and present danger to her safety. This included sailing on water in a boat, flying over water in an airplane, driving over water in a car. Then her family planned a reunion on a cruise ship.  She really wanted to go but did not see how it would happen.  Her fear was practically ungovernable.

We talked about it and I suggested she take swimming lessons, so if in the highly, highly unlikely event she found herself actually in the water during a curise, she could at least have some means of survival. I had little hope she'd take my suggestion but it was all I could offer.  She actually did sign up for four weeks of swimming lessons, and went to every class - learning the backstroke, the crawl, the butterfly, and the dog paddle.  For whatever reason she remains unable to tread water or float on her back.

It was a huge step forward getting her on that ship.  But it broke the ice and while her fear was not gone, it was a little more manageable.  By degrees she stepped up and took on more challenges.  She resolved to not live her life in fear, or let fear stop her from doing what she wanted to do.  I signed us up for a scuba diving lesson, trying to expand on her pool experience.  We haven't done it yet, but she didn't rule it out immediately, and that is a plus.

On our vacation in Mexico we had a chance to snorkle and explore the coral formations just offshore.  At first she was not interested, but I lured her into a swimming pool with a swim-up bar and plied her with a high-octane margarita.  We had lunch a couple more margaritas and I pointed out where the snorkling was, just a few yards off shore.  Emboldened and intoxicated, she determined to go snorkling.

I know, I know, keep your judgmental and disapproving looks to yourselves.  Do you know how many times I've used alcohol to get women to do things with me they otherwise wouldn't have done?...

Our guide set us up with discount rentals and I helped S. get her gear on, explaining how to clear the mask, spit through the snorkle, inflate the BC vest, and adjust the flippers.  A young man with the rental shop offered to come along and photograph us.  No charge if we didn't like the photos.  We agreed and made our way into the surf.  I expected to deal with some kind of panic or hysteria, but S. was as calm as a cucumber.  She had a little trouble with the mask at first until I informed her she could not wear her sunglasses and her mask at the same time.  It was much deeper off shore than we expected, but the water was crystal clear.  We swam around and our photographer took us to various "landmarks" (planted for photo's sake, I suspect).  Along the way S. remained calm, confident, and excited.  She emerged from the water bouncing with glee and surprise that she had managed herself so well.  She had experienced great calm in the open ocean, and had seen fish, coral, starfish, sea horses, and monuments all in a new light.  She was immensely proud of herself and I was too.

And the thrill didn't just wear off with the drinks.  She still talks about doing more snorkling and even getting dive certified.  Part of her determination comes from the awareness that her health condition could limit her physical abilities someday (or, it may not) and that today is all she really has and she will not succumb to a fear that prevents her from doing what she wants.

Lessons & tips:

1. Patience, patience, patience.  Some fears absolutely cannot be forced out.  Not unless you want to get divorced.  They cannot be reasoned or argued away, either.
   
2. Small steps, small victories give a foundation to build on.
   
3. Be supportive and ready to act when opportunity arises.
   
4. Never underestimate the courage-bolstering power of tequila...

Sep 23, 06:52PM PDT | 7 comments | 36 cheers