How I did it: Although we broke up in March after 6 months, we were still "together" until June. From June to November, we were apart for six months living in different states but he still had my heart. I didn't get over him, even though I thought I had a few times. We still talked everyday or every few days. We met up in the beginning of November to hang out and say goodbye because he was going back home to his country.

I guess there was always a small hope in my heart that we would magically be great again and stay together somehow. Even though in my heart I knew he was a cheater and liar but would never admit it to me. After I saw him, I realized that I can't speak to someone who can't give me the decency and respect to tell me the truth after all this time. (And believe me, I'm neither paranoid nor insecure, there was just TOO many instances of questionable things that happened and I became a moron to listen to his lies for a year) So I wrote him an email telling him not to speak to me until he can admit the truth. Then I went through withdrawals, crying my eyes out like a maniac and wrote him another email confessing my love and telling him how I was so upset that it was over. (I still don't know what I was thinking) Then he wrote me back just so COMPLETELY indifferent like we didn't matter at all.
It was in that second that I realized that somehow I made all this up in my head and obviously I didn't mean much to someone who won't even acknowledge that I'm hurting and that I want the truth from him. He ignored everything that I said. So I wrote him back and basically said I'm not going to beg someone to care about me. So much for being "in love" with eachother.

I met another guy who looks at me like I'm beautiful. My ex stopped looking at me like that a long time ago. I'm not going to get involved with this new guy (right now) because I need time alone, BUT I think just realizing how other people look at me and kept telling me I deserve someone so great because I'm so great, I decided to listen.

And now I believe it in MY HEART.

My ex has tried to write again to tell me he saw something that reminded him of me, but I don't want to speak to him. He STILL ignores the whole topic of him being unfaithful.

If trust was ruined in any sort of way, you CANNOT go on acting like nothing happened. Because that's your HEART that you are neglecting. And it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that your heart is listened to.

It took me a year to finally listen to myself and my own heart but now I see how much more I am worth.

and I KNOW there are people out there willing to give me the love that I deserve.

Why waste your beauty and heart on someone not worthy?

I think of the quote in the bible "Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."

Guard your heart for someone that deserves it, because if you give it away to anyone, they can break it and shatter it and not care at all. And you are left bitter and jaded with no life to give from your heart.

Luckily, God gives second chances. I give the credit to him for my break up because he finally opened my eyes to the beauty I have and the beauty I deserve.

Lessons & tips: If he was horrible to you and you still want him back for some crazy reason: It will only be when you realize your worth will you begin to move on.

You ARE worth better. You may not feel like it right now because he may have manipulated you for so long. But realize that as human beings, we are worth intrinsic value. We are to be loved and cherished and someone WILL treat you that way. And it should start with yourself. Everyone is beautiful, including you, whatever flaws you may feel you have.

Life's too short to go around asking people to give a crap!

If someone cares and loves you, you will KNOW.

If its meant to be, it will happen.

You gotta believe!!!

Resources: The Lord, my friends, crying (LET IT OUT!) music

Nov 29, 2008, 10:51AM PST | 5 comments | 4 cheers