How I did it: "be confident" is a silly goal. I mean, it's a great overarching goal, but one that comes after a lot of soul searching and diving in and making mistakes.

I'd always taken an outside-in approach to confidence - ie. emulating
confident people. This tends to be a bit hit & miss, and isn't all
that fulfilling. When I got it right, it felt like dumb luck - when I
got it wrong, I got even more upset cos I messed up by trying to be
someone else.


I found it better to slow down a little. Getting anxious about trying
to be "a certain way" was preventing me from being "that way". Relaxing
and getting more comfortable in my own skin, as well as trying new
things, helped a lot. And by trying new things, I don't mean saying yes
to stuff I didn't want to do - I mean doing the things I wanted to do,
but wasn't in the habit of doing. Like travelling by myself, public
speaking, cooking new dishes, spending money instead of saving it,
saving money instead of spending it. That sort of thing.

Lessons & tips: Confidence is so bloody self-contradicting. When you go into something feeling like you MUST succeed, that you MUST do well, it really takes it out of you.

But diving into things with the idea that "hey, I might screw up, but I'll try to have fun while doing it" seems to make things turn out okay, and as a result, you feel less risky and thus more confident next time.

I think confidence comes from accepting the "experimental" nature of life, and not trying to hold onto "definites" too tightly.

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Sep 17, 2008, 07:43PM PDT | 3 comments | 16 cheers