"This can be daunting but your 'self' depends on it."
How I did it: This has been a journey that I can only compare to climbing Mt. Everest with only one arm and four legs. The relationship brought out the worst in me. I spent time blaming him but after awhile the journey became about me. I realized all the things that I had wanted, and felt without, when I was with him. I realized I spent more time trying to reclaim his respect (and in turn about losing my mind over it) than I did trying to gain respect from me. I put my total confidence in someone else - and thus gave up my self-confidence. The one arm comes into play when you don't feel like you have the strength to continue "climbing" through the day to day relationship with the other person and the four legs come into play when you just want to run. You start to feel more desperate and less loved, more resentment and no passion (for yourself or the other person). Our relationship was lacking inspiration, true beauty, romance, passion, creativity and a host of other things that I think are important. I learned a lot - mostly about myself. When I am around him I do not feel complete. I felt under appreciated, unwanted, distrustful, discouraged and doubtful. It truly brought out all the worst qualities in me. It was a somber experience and one I wouldn't repeat for all the money in the world. Once my head had time (and help) to clear I saw things with new vision and am so glad to be driving forward to new things that will lend hand to the things I find so important in relationships. It's not easy folks, but your sanity depends on letting go. Accept that there are other doors that open - you just have to give it time.
Lessons & tips: Be aware of what you didn't like in the relationship and, in moving forward, know what's important to you when you start again with someone else. Know yourself. Redefine your expectations, if necessary. Strive for progress - not perfection. Talk to friends, therapists, family, etc but get a lot of opinions - not just one or two. Rely on neutral outlooks to help you dissect things and keep an open mind. Be willing to listen and process, adjust and redefine. Work out any issues you have before unloading them on someone else new and then - go for it with a new understanding and a clearer vision.
Resources: People - all types with all sorts of opinions.
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Sep 18, 2008, 11:21AM PDT
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