How I did it: Basically, I almot got arrested selling LSD and it was a big smack in the face. I was tripping on about 4 or 5 hits when it happened too so everything was beyond intense and the entire night was life changing..

I learn lessons pretty well. I have tried every drug out there besides heroin and perhaps the drugs that have just been invented in the past 2 years hah.. Each drug I had an obsession with and after a year or so of being sucked into the addict's life I'd realize this drug "Wasn't for me" it was too expensive, or too risky, or just not getting my high anymore. I bounced around from uppers, downers, trippers and dazers and my last favourite drug was acid. None of these drugs filled me with what I needed. At the time, I thought they did. I was desperate, lost, confused, lonely and just wanted to have a good bloody time. I reached for the nearest thing that made me feel good which happened to be a joint, a hit, a line, a smack, what have you. They made me feel aweome until I didn't have anymore, then I felt twice as bad as I did before I started.

Looking back now, I know what I was seaching for, I know I was mistaking temporary promises to be promises of comfort. We all crave to be back to our "Source", where we came from, we seek a unity with all that goes on around us; we seek something that gives us peace... and funny enough...the high we get from drugs or adrenaline gives us that same pleasant sensation as being enlightened or at peace/happy.

If I could be high all the time, always have my drugs, always afford them and never have to come DOWN, I'd still be doing drugs. But there comes a time when we have to face what we've become.

I'll be sober two years this April and I'm beyond grateful. After spending 6 years under the influence of some kind of drug, these past 2 years have felt like a high in themselves.

Lessons & tips: Everything you need is within you besides the basics food/water/love etc..

You don't do drugs because you want to do drugs..you do drugs because you want to feel the sensation the drugs give you...I'm telling you now as a witness, these sensations are fully attainable without drugs, we have drugs within our own physical makeup that allow for such sensations. I've been diagnosed with "bipolar" "depression" "schizophrenia" etc etc. Chemical imbalance my ass. We can make whatever chemicals we want as long a we truly want, believe and have faith to..


HAVE FAITH.

Don't feel suicidal. I did so many ridiculous drugs and combinations of drugs when I wanted to die, I didn't die, I was obviously supposed to live beyond that. The drugs won't make that feeling go away, they'll just add fuel to the fire so the next time you face it it'll burn even more.

Talk to people, meditate, find someway to understand your place in the universe.


Disassociate with people who are doing drugs if you are ready to stop. If they are truly your friends, they will still be your friend years later. They will understand your retreat from that scene.. No time nor space can seperate what has been brought together for good..

No matter what, you are NOT alone.

Drugs really are bad lol. They weren't joking..

Addictions are habits, brain patterns we've grown accustomed to and they can be "re-wired". I have a very addictive personality myself and I understand the feeling. I still have a bit of a battle with cigarettes but nothing like it used to be.
If you would like to talk, I'm best reached at email;
helenmcd@live.com

Resources: God/The Universe/Christ/Allah/Buddah/The Force..etc..etc..

I went to a couple rehabs but they didn't really help me at the time...In the long run they helped show me what worked and what didn't but I was FORCED to go and I didnt even want to stop getting high so it was a total waste. You have to admit you're ready for change and then its totally possibly. Mind over matter baby

I read the Bible a lot
I read Bob Marley quotes
I read Neitzche
I read The 12 Steps
I read lots of things and spoke to lots of people.

When youre truly ready to move on people and "resources" will begin to enter your life like little guardian angels ready to help you out AS LONG AS YOU HELP YOURSELF TOO!!

Alright this is really long, sorry guys. Rehabilitation has become a bit of a passion now I think

Dec 29, 2008, 05:26PM PST | 1 comment | 2 cheers