How I did it: I'm not one to be deep and philosophical on a "things I want to do" website, but for this one I'll dig a little just to share a piece of myself.

I've had a lot of negative things happen in my life. I've been hurt, abused, forgotten, and ignored. I've been unseen, looked over, and spat on. Those kinds of things can give you a very altered image of yourself, and it can breed all kinds of odd quirks and insecurities. In the end, the people who did those things don't mean anything. It all comes down to you as a person.

What I did was I set a goal. It can be as small as stop biting your nails, or as big as write a screen play. Whatever it is that you love in this world, set a goal within its realm and reach for it. Keep reaching for it until your arms cramp and you feel dizzy, and don't stop until you finally get there.

My goal was to finish a "short" story. It wasn't always in quotes, but I feel that it needs to be now. I've always loved books, and writing kept my sane growing up. Therefore, my goal was to just finish a story, something I had yet to do despite all my great efforts.

I sat down one day and started describing a character I had in my head. Around that one character, a story developed. Now, I'll admit, the actual story ended up not being half of what it could be. I am no Stephen King or Stephenie Meyer. I do my best to write the stories I feel my characters would go through, but at times they're not so great. Anyway (since I rambled a bit there) I finished my story January 4, 2009. It consists of 18,000 words, 50 pages, and ten chapters.

In accomplishing a goal I had shattered an idea I had ingrained in myself. I had long since convinced myself I would never finish a story or even contribute to the world in a creative way. Now, I'm beginning to believe in myself more than I ever have in my whole life. This experience made me realize that though I am not perfect, nor do I fit anywhere near the category, I still have talents and creativity to offer the world.

And any person who sits on their butt and tells you that you can't do it is simply fearful that you will overshadow them in the long run. So I say, do it anyway. At least you can say you did it, even if you didn't do it all that well. No one gets it right every time, even the person telling you you can't.

Lessons & tips:
You have to hit your rock bottom before you can climb back up. I know it's scary, probably the lowest you're ever going to feel, and maybe even a little scarring, but you need to hit the very bottom before you can rediscover yourself on the way back up. It's just how things work. You have to think something detrimental has happened before you change anything about you or your life.

Resources:
- strong friendships (the kind that don't fall apart because you feel like you're losing your mind)

- The Shining by Stephen King, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (though for anyone else I would recommend your favorite music playlist to keep you pumped, I'm a nerd so I read a lot)

- an endless supply of ice water to drink while you stare at your computer screen, plotting the demise of your former self

- that one person who cheers you on with such intensity that you don't feel you deserve it (yeah, that person is going to deserve a big thank you muffin basket by the time you're done)

- How can I not thank my support system? Tony, Robin, Matt, and my amazing Jess's. -- Thanks for never telling me to shut up when I babble about the wonderful world going on inside my head. Your faith in me is a mystery, but I appreciate every minute of it.

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Jan 05, 2009, 05:49PM PST | 0 comments | 1 cheer