How I did it: I remember people walking all over me. I remember doing anything I could to be a people-pleaser. A couple of years ago, after years and years of this, I'd had enough.

When you make the decision to go form being a doormat to being an assertive person, there's this awkward stage where you kind of go overboard in the other direction. I remember being a total bi*** to people when I was just trying to be assertive because I didn't know how to find balance between saying how I felt and letting people take advantage of me. (This is just my experience.)

Over time, and with lots of practice, telling people what you need and how you feel becomes easier. Starting with small things helps; if someone asks you what you feel like eating, don't say, "I don't care". Tell them what you really feel like eating if you know! It's these small steps that helped me. I know that I have room for improvement, but I feel that I am overall a healthy communicator. I cannot let things stew, and I tell people what I need and how I feel in a pretty straightforward and respectful way. I know that it will only get better and better with time. I must say that being a Psychology major in college was a help as well.

Lessons & tips: Start telling people what you need in small steps and regarding things that aren't of great importance. Just having that practice helps because even if at first it seems forced, it becomes natural as time goes on. Realize that people aren't going to think you're a horrible person if you don't agree with them all the time. I was always pleasantly surprised when I expressed myself and received a positive response from people that I didn't expect.

ONE LAST THING: KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE JUST PEOPLE AND THAT THEY ARE GENERALLY GOOD AND THAT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED.

Resources: Family and friends and good strangers.

Jan 06, 2009, 12:12PM PST | 0 comments | 4 cheers