Try this on for size ;-)
6 years ago too…I was in the midst of a separation/divorce, (BTW, I am 34 yrs old right now) – when I “met” for the 2nd time after a year before we were introduced…this amazing man, (pity I hadnt realised just how amazing!)
I initally turned down the coffee as I was still only “separated” and didnt really know what to do…Some months later he remained in contact with me, and I finally relented.
Making a very long story short, this time was the best time of my life and the worst. I have never experienced this feeling with anyone else again, he is my benchmark. And I know I am his. It was the worst time too, as I was in the middle of alot of emotions with my separation/divorce, (we had been together almost 10 years, and I still cared about my ex, and didnt want to hurt him, ...we wernt even divorced yet) Maintaining these 2 parts of emotion was a roller coaster.
We had been together about 8 months or so, (a very intesnse relationship) when we planned to spend xmas away in the snow somewhere. 3 weeks before we were to leave, I had a PANIC attack of massive preportions, I suddenly fealt fear about what i was doing, “divorcing my husband” Oh my God, it sounded so wrong suddenly, I picked up the phone, rang my husband in tears and told him I wanted to come home.
I broke up with my one and only, and reconciled with my ex. He is a good man, and us divorcing was for a couple of reasons, but I will always care for him…I did realise in about 3 seconds after I had gone back, that I had made the BIGGEST mistake ever…
He continued to go on the holiday we had planned alone, and I was away for xmas with my husband to, but miserable the entire time. I knew this was not right, it didnt fit anymore, and it had to end. I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
This love of mine collected me from the airport and I remember just wanting to run up and say all these things…anyway we needed to talk. I said I LOVE you and I made a horrible mistake…he wanted to think it over. We talked again in a couple of days, and he said “you changed everything..its tainted now…you dont know what I went through, you completely destroyed me…” I cant get back together with you.
Ouch!!! – guess I had that coming. 3 months later and alot of trying on my part we were together again, (No no…no happy endings here) – I dont think he forgave me, and I remember him saying to me, “I really hope that I can adore you like I did before”...it ended 5 months later and he moved to another city.
I was gutted!!!! – Contact with him continued, I tried to commit “romatic suicide” a la notting hill by going over there and declaring how much I still loved him…again he made me wait it out, only to once again say…”I think you are the only woman I have ever really loved, I would have married..but you changed it..” and that was that…I was GUTTED once again.
He called often still and there was loads of contact which made it hard for me. And LOTS of innuendo..we would have coffee when he was here, and I would say..”So, see you next lifetime…” and he would say,...”No not neccessarily” sending my hopes up to something rediculous. This carried on a long time, when I got a call from him that wasnt a call you just have with a friend..I confronted him about it, (this is prob 2yrs later after we 1st started dating) – I said, “whats going on here?” what do you want? It was as though he didnt want me, but did, but wanted to keep me just there…well we sat at coffee and this was about 3 weeks before I was due to leave for a working contract overseas….we cut all contact from that day!
It was HARD, no hard would be an understatement. Months went by…I received an email from him once, (I had done wpork for him and thats wahts email was about) I deleted it. It was so hard.
Call it fear or just wanting to go back to normal, my ex husband wanted me back, and I was miserable in another country..and I came back home under the impression we were going to reconcile again…
Not to be…Ouch, this time he couldnt do it.
That was a blow to the old self esteem. Anyhow it had now been nearly a year of no contact with my love. I remember going on holiday with a bunch of ppl to the same place my one and only were supposed to go that xmas…ah the ghosts, the feeling I had when I was there…it was awful, kept imaginging what it would have been like…)
PS – I found out about 3 yrs later that he was going to propose to me on that holiday, the one I cancelled 3 weeks before to go back to my ex husband…hmmm)
Anyway, I did have his no in my phone, I couldnt help it…”I said, blast from the past, you will never guess where I am…etc) He responds, “oh youre only a couple of years late etc) 1st contact in 1 and half maybe. Then nothing. Then an email, and a suggestion that when he is in town, we have coffee – nothing.
He is a very strong man, hard.
OK, let me cut to the chase…I have not seen this man in 4 years, one text msg and one email…
I recently came out of a 3 year relationship and just felt my life blossoming…I was enjoying work, loving life, feeling good, the whole 9 yards..,
I was travelling alot for work, and had literally had about 15 flights all of which we had to schedule 8am…except this one day where we couldnt get on any early flights. I got to the airport early which I never do, and figured I would have coffee and grab a magazine.
I check through security and I am walking toward the coffee shop when suddenly I see this really familiar face! It was him…sitting there alone having coffee and its 4 yrs later..
It was great and horrible all at the same time. The irony or snychronicity here is, I start that morning chatting to someone online who has the same name as my beloved. So i say, gee, I havnt really had much luck with xxxx’s and laugh. I get to the airport early, like an hour early – his plane is delayed by a couple of hours, we are both alone…and sat and spoke for over an hour.
I knew he had a girlfriend, in fact I had seen pics of her and didnt think much of her, she wasnt his type at all…anyway, were talking and I say “so kids? married?”....he says..actually, getting married in 2 months.
Oh that was agony, but I smiled and pretended to be happy for him. We talked, while he got to tell me he was now marrying the 3yr relationship he had, I got to tell him well, I just left my 3yr relationship…
There was energy, there prob will always be…I am not reading anything he said into anything…I just have to wonder, WHY? Why after 4yrs of not seeing him, (he wasnt on my radar…he was there, but a small blip) – I was getting on, I was ready to meet someone new…I was all of this and then CRASH, I see him 2 months before he gets married? What the hell is that about…I have been a wreck..its awful. I am better, this happend about 5 weeks ago and things were really raw…it could have been yesterday, all the feelings I had came flooding back.
So here I sit and I am pondering this thing that everything happens for a reason..not quite entirely sure what this universe has planned for me…but 5 weeks later I am at least able to say, well ce la vie, what will be will be.
Oh crap..here is the ultimate Kicker….It would have been me and my ex husbands 10th wedding anniv this Saturday…....give you 2 guesses who is getting married on the same day i did…WTF?
Newleaf4HIM is going to live life, not watch it on t.v.
I Hope This Helps!
I haven’t been here for a while so I just read your comment a few minutes ago. I know this is last minute, but If I were you, I’d consider tracking him down and asking him if running into you made him wonder about “things.” Take the risk and get a hold of him regardless of whether the coversation goes really well or really bad—especially if you think this might end up haunting you if you don’t. Even if you totally embarrass yourself, at least you won’t spend decades wondering “what if.” My past mistakes have taught me the danger of letting fear stop me from following my heart and living with no regrets.
Still, another possibility is that you were meant to run into him so that you’d know for certain that he had moved on so that you could move on as well, once and for all.
And yet, on the other hand, are you completely certain that you’ll never be reconciled to your ex husband? Maybe you just needed time away to figure things out.
But then again, maybe you were never meant to be with him in the first place. For instance, if one or both of you were not sincere when you first took your vows or were not mentally or spiritually prepared to make such a commitment, then maybe a true marriage never really took place on the spiritual level. This is why some people (like a very good friend of mine) seek to have their marriages annulled, meaning a true sacramental marriage never actually took place for one reason or another.
This view of marriage is a lot more merciful than the assertion that every person who says the words “I do” is necessarily “bound for life” no matter the circumstances. It leaves room for doubt as to whether the couple was ever truly married in the first place.
Anyway, sorry I’m so long winded, but you took all that time to share your story, so I just wanted to help you weigh every option instead of just throwing out a blind opinion, when I don’t even know you personally. Only you can figure out what is the right thing to do and what God’s plan is for your life. I really hope for your peace and happiness and would love to here how things are working out for you!
