How to be a better husband by jtinsky

"Put your ego aside and just listen. It's not that hard to do if you just try."

How I did it: After some reading and some counseling both casual and formal I've learned that listening, not hearing but actual active listening before reacting keeps things calm and rational. It's very easy to hear one or two things which either hurt or aren't true or both and shut out the rest when the rest is what really matters. The rest of what people are saying is the real substance. The initial issue or reason for the communication is often only a glimpse of the underlying need.

This is not to say harping or endless ranting is productive either. One has to know when to shut up and listen and when to push the conversation in a more productive direction.

Lessons & tips: 1) Actively listen
2) Subordinate your ego
3) Keep a long term perspective


5 people found this helpful
 

Sep 22, 2008, 03:15PM PDT | 1 comment | 4 cheers


Comments:

abetterbob

Cheers Listening works

We started using the Listener – Speaker technique…
Summarized it is where the listener repeats what they heard the Speaker say, such as,”so you are saying… it embarrasses you when I talk when your friends are around?”
This gives the speaker a chance to clear up miscommunication before any feelings get hurt. “no what I was trying to say is that you make the conversation awkward when you talk about our personal problems in front of my friends. I enjoy when you join in the conversation about the kids, the meal or sports… or what ever the public subject is.”

For what it is worth this is a golden nugget.

Nov 12, 2008, 10:07AM PST | Respond to this


jtinsky has gotten 4 cheers on this entry.

 

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