How to wait until marriage by Clovergirl

"Hard work at times, but definitely worth waiting."

How I did it:
Difficult goal!


How did I accomplish this one? The most important thing was understanding why it was important to me. 

I did a course at church which taught me a lot about relationships, and in particular the bible's words about relationships and sex. Practical stuff, but stuff they don't usually preach about on a Sunday from the pulpit! The thing that stuck with me the most was the teacher saying that if you sleep with someone, part of you changes, and you can't ever change that back again. They have a part of you and you have a part of them. That's something that you want to share only with someone who you know is going to be with you forever. Getting over a breakup with someone you've slept with is muuuuch harder than someone you haven't slept with.

I know that waiting made me and my fiance stronger people. We learned a lot about patience! We learned to deal with lust, and get over it. I have an incredible amount of trust in him now that he won't be overcome with lust for someone else, because I've seen how well he can control himself, and him me. 

I know that in 50 years or so we'll be too old to be sleeping together anyway! So it was important to me to find someone who I knew I was compatible with on a friendship level. I've heard a lot of people say that you have to sleep with each other before marriage because otherwise how will you know if you're compatible sexually? Lame! If you're best, best friends and totally love each other, then after you're married the sex will be amazing because you'll have total trust in each other. You need to find out if you're compatible fullstop. Find out if your dreams align, if your vision for the future matches up, if you have the same goals and beliefs. Don't let lust get in the way of finding these things out first.

Plus we only had 6 months from when we were engaged to when we were married so it wasn't all that long to wait!

Lessons & tips:
Get an accountability partner of the same sex. Someone who is married, or a pastor, a counsellor, someone you can be totally open and honest with. If you have any problems - talk it through!

Have an understanding of why you are waiting. If you can articulate your reasons, you'll  be more likely to stick to the goal.

Talk things through with your partner, make sure you're both on the same page!

Don't get into situations that you know will tempt you. Don't make it harder on yourself or your partner than you need too.

Good luck :-)

Resources:
The bible

My church
My (married) friends


12 people found this helpful
 

Feb 26, 11:13PM PST | 10 comments | 17 cheers


Comments:

Izzy O'Rourke is a Self-Knowing, Self-Improving Builder per the 43T Personality Quiz

Re: Your status.

“How long you can call yourself a newlywed.”

I think it’s technically one year…but I’m going on 3 and still doing it. :)

Feb 27, 12:04AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Clovergirl wonders how long can you call yourself a newlywed?

Hmmm

Maybe it’s a state of mind :-)

Mar 01, 04:54AM PST | Thread | Respond to this

Izzy O'Rourke is a Self-Knowing, Self-Improving Builder per the 43T Personality Quiz

Re: Hmmm

Totally. :)

Mar 01, 10:31PM PST | Respond to this

sophie1003 is feeling good about life

Impressed

I have always wondered why people feel the need to wait until marriage, especially as I’m not religious so can’t see it from that angle but what you say about you and you’re husband sounds lovely and I wish you years of happiness!

Feb 27, 02:52PM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

sushmitawarkari

Love makes everything possible

I am really happy for you.Always wish you a very happy married life.

Mar 17, 01:27AM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

psmithut Tudo bem, amigos :)

Oh my gosh this goal rocks. Well done. Well well well well done. I’m so happy for you.

Apr 08, 12:43PM PDT | Respond to this 2 cheers

(This comment was deleted.)

Jun 04, 04:19AM PDT

melvaughn28

I’m waiting also and because of similar reasons such as being a Christian and wanting to follow God’s plan for my life. The problem though, is that my life hasn’t been following the conventional plan. Marriage isn’t terribly important to me…I’m not super anxious to get married (instead I’ve been travelling and enjoying the single life) I’m also not involved in a church since I’ve moved around a lot. I find that a lot of Christians get married SOOOO young. At 29, I can see myself joining a chuch and everyone will already be married. And if I don’t get married, am I suppose to stay a virgin my whole life, because sometimes, I really don’t see marriage in my future. But I certainly don’t want to be a 40 year old virgin. Plus, when you tell guys, you’re waiting until marriage, they right away assume you’re anxious to get married, which isn’t the case for me.

I do agree with your opinions on ‘sexual compatibility’. The whole idea of ‘testing out the waters’ and ‘not buying the car before test riding’ sounds like a lamn excuse. There are lots of people who ‘test’ out their compatibility with numerous people and I’m pretty sure, they’re not having superior relationships!!! I’d say the more people you compare your compatibility with, the less satisfied you’ll be. But I find people almost persecute you when they find out you’re a virgin….I get nothing but negativity if people find out I’m a virgin, especially by other women….they seem to resent it.

Jun 20, 04:32PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Butterfly1224

sex is not everything

You could be 29 yrs old be a christian and go to church and not get married, traveling around. Sex is not the world, enjoy your life and go everywhere. If you feel uncomfortable in your church becasue everyone gets married in an early age then you should go to another church becasue in my church theres alot of people that are 35 traveling around and not married. Bieng a virgin is the most preciuos thing i have aside from god because I can control that. having sex to me is not everything. Ok it could be pleasurable, but theres a lot other things I could do. I rather wait till marrieg becasue not only abstinence prevents me from a lot of things, but I feel that if I do it with a boyfriend or fiance then if we break up he would forget and move on quickly. Ok if you could get married and then get divorced but you have more chance of rmembering and knowing that at least you waited and that that premarital sex is not a sin that you have not commited.

Jul 03, 09:29AM PDT | Respond to this

kmom2468 is knee deep in the hooah!

By the way... from an "old married woman" ...

If you stay healthy and stay connected to eachother, there’s no reason why you still can’t be sharing eachothers bodies in 50 years! Maybe not as wild and crazy as in the beginning, but there is something to be said to share physical love with someone you have been married to for DECADES. We haven’t made it to 50 years or marriage, yet, but we’re over 20 now. It gets BETTER as the years go. There are some years it’s better than others, and some years (like small children years) that will put a strain on. But these are just phases in the cycles of life, and if you believe in eachother, you can continue enjoying eachother well into your old, old age. Congrats and many blessings as you and yours travel through life together.

Aug 15, 07:23PM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer


Clovergirl has gotten 17 cheers on this entry.

 

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