How I did it: I created some distance between the toxic ones and myself.  This is relatively simple for me, because my default mode is to distance people.  It takes a great deal of effort for me not to.

I sat down and objectively looked at the reasons I deemed certain relationships 'toxic'.  In my opinion, it's a two-way street when it comes to toxic relationships.  I set up the terms of the relationship and have allowed them to act a certain way towards me.  A couple of the relationships are not strictly toxic, the people have simply learned to treat me a certain way.  I'm in the process of amending that.

I've had to deal with a lot of my own problems during the process.  What buttons are 'hot' and how to handle them being pushed.  I've had to completely restructure the way I react to people.  I have a mental list in my head of the buttons people like to push, what they get out of it and how to handle future attacks.  It's kind of like a big game.

Lessons & tips: Be objective.  Learn about yourself and your buttons.  Consider why the other person is treating you that way.  What are they getting out the relationship?  Everyone gets something out of each relationship.  Is it good or bad?  Is the relationship worth salvaging?  Some of them are.  If you decide it can be saved, figure out how to deal with the aspects you find 'toxic'.  This is easier said than done, and I've not had a lot of success with saving relationships.  To quote from Angel: "Just because you decided to change doesn't mean the world's ready for you to."  If people can accept you changing, cool.  If not, drop the relationship, otherwise you'll always be fighting the person.

Resources: If you're being manipulated, here's a fantastic website that helped me immensely:
http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

Keeping a journal helped out quite a bit.  Whenever I've had a problem with someone, I wrote in it.  It's a good way to record your thoughts, then go back later after the feelings are gone and check yourself.

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Sep 26, 2008, 09:27PM PDT | 1 comment | 3 cheers