How I did it: It is the hardest thing in life to feel like you are so different and not know what it is. I was hearing "oh he's so cute" in third grade from my female friends, but in my head I felt "well you're cute to me" and since no other girl said anything like that so I thought it was just me. As I grew up, I noticed more and more that my eyes followed the girls as there's were following the boys. In my household, we didn't talk about being gay or lesbian. I had a neighbor who had a girlfriend, but that was it. I really didn't think anything of it. I didn't know that is what "lesbian" meant. In fact, I really didn't know until I was probably in 7th grade what any of it meant. Still knew I liked girls though.

In high school, I knew what it was. I knew that I was lesbian. But, my family beyond my parents are very religious and I knew that I would lose half of them if I told them. I was afraid that my parents wouldn't love me anymore. So I said nothing and dated my friend's brother. I have been with guys and did a lot of drugs during my high school days all for the sake of feeling normal, like everyone else, like I was someone... not me.

I got together with my child's father and was with him for 4 years trying to convince myself that I enjoyed it, that I wasn't gay. I was normal.

Then, ugliness hit our relationship and I left. So, I went back to live with my mom at age 20. I wrote a blog on myspace about who I really am, knowing that a lot of my family would read it and that's how they would find out. Finally after no one said anything but my friends, I sat down with my mom. And I told my mom, look, I love you, and I really don't want to disappoint you anymore in life than I already have, but this is me and I can't change it. I can't lie about my life anymore and here it is. I'm gay. Fear hit me in an instant and all of a sudden all my strenght left me. My mom just said to me, whatever makes you happy. I cried.

Then I told my dad and his wife. They support me. My brother, even though it was hard for him, he supports me.

Most of my family does not talk to me anymore and that was something that I was afraid of happening, but I can't live a lie. So even though I know that they love me, that they worry about my choices in life, and are worried about my soul going to hell, I can't make any changes and I wouldn't if given the opportunity.

Lessons & tips: Be strong. Take your time in it to really know who you are. And don't be afraid. There are so many organizations and groups nationwide to help people, especially teenagers who are coming out or coming to terms with who they are. All it takes is you being true to yourself. To give yourself a happy life. A life that you can feel proud about living at the end of the day.

My mom told me, "Those who matter, don't care. Those who care, don't matter."

Those who matter in your life, won't care that you're gay. They will love and support you in everything you do. Your happiness is important to them and they will always be there for you.

Those who care and try to put you down for being yourself, don't matter in your life. As a person, gay or straight, one does not need someone to make them feel like they are a horrible person, or a damned person, or wrong for being who they are. You can't let those people make you feel bad when it is who you are. Nothing can change it.

We are who we are, and there is nothing that can be said, no medication you can take, no camps or retreats that make it go away.... there is no cure for being gay. Love knows no gender.

Who am I to deny who I love? I wouldn't be myself, my own person, my own life force if I denied myself the kind of love that everyday causes you stress and completeness at the same time.

Be strong. Be who you are.

Fuck the rest that try to pull you down.

Resources: Friends are the best people to go to when you need it. There are also lots of books, groups, and even chat rooms that can help.

The biggest resource that can help, is yourself - your heart.

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Apr 19, 01:25PM PDT | 2 comments | 23 cheers