How I did it: I stopped trying to make everything right for him.  I stopped taking personal responsibility for his happiness.  I stopped making myself accept his unacceptable behavior.  I stopped making excuses for his behavior and for mine.  I accepted that he was not happy and I could not fix that.  I finally acknowleged that even after 16 years together, it was right to step back and walk away.

Note:  We did not have children so that was not something I or we had to consider.  I've never been pregnant or responsible for a child.  I have nothing to offer on how that dynamic affects knowing when to walk away.

Lessons & tips: -  Walking away can be one of the most difficult decisions in your life.  But even if you decide that's the rioght thing for you (and your children),
-  It does not mean that you necessarily have to walk away from all the extended relationships that your partnership created.  My former (second) husband's family members remain the closest of friends to me.
-  I remain the best of friends with my former (second) husband.  We get along.  We call each other when we need help (he fixes my computer, I do his taxes, etc.)
-  The end of our marriage is not related to his new partner.  She and I can be (and are) very cordial.  I have no reason to hold a grudge against her.  Even if he'd been in a relationship with her while we were still together, it would not have been about her.  It would have been about me and him.
-  To forgive is devine.
-  Once family, always family, and family just keeps growing.  An expansive view of family is a joy.
-  Just because you can't live together in peace anymore doesn't mean your parting must be angry or vengeful.  Being generous and giving eases the pain.

Resources: Good friends, my loving mother, my favorite father figure (who is my first husband's father), and my big brother.

May 17, 03:52PM PDT | 0 comments | 1 cheer